It's Hard to Find Good Help These Days

So I'll admit it, I'm baking snob. I don't do things from mixes, and I definitely don't do store bought goodies. I love creating decadent desserts from scratch, and I usually make something for Boyfriend for his birthday and Valentine's day. Well, after reading the rave reviews about Coldstone cupcakes, I decided that I would purchase a pack for us to consume this weekend. It seems as though there are Coldstones in just about every shopping center in Charlotte, so I had no qualms about being able to get my hands on these frozen delights. That is, until I went on a marathon quest to find them.

The adventure started easily enough. I called the location closest to my office to confirm that they had their cupcakes in stock. They responded positively, so after work I followed my Mapquest directions and headed into the heart of Uptown Charlotte. I hadn't realized that that particular location was inside the newest complex in Uptown and the mecca of clubgoers and barhoppers all over town. When I approached the Epicentre, I saw lines of cars just waiting to pay $10 to get into the parking garage. "Forget it," I thought to myself, "I'll just head to the Promenade." The Promenade is close to Little and Daddy's house, and about 25 minutes away from me. Undeterred I ran by my house, scooped up Sadiebug and away we went.

At Coldstone number 2, it was packed. There was one lone creature manning the entire store. Not only was this long, stringy, greasy-haired pubescent nightmare monosyllabic and unable to make eye contact, but he was slower than Methuselah. Literally. I had checked the store's freezer and found only 3 single cupcakes. No packs. When it was finally my turn, I asked It if he had any packs available. "Uhhhh, did you check the freezer?" Although I assured him that I had, Mr. Wonderful went and stared into the freezer for at least 7 minutes before admitting that I was right, and no packs were residing there. After disappearing for another 12 minutes he reappeared and let me know that there weren't any anywhere in the store. The conversation that is documented below is accurate.

Me: Are you serious? This is the second store that's denied me.
Dude: Oh, uhhh, yeah. You should really call before you come.
Me: Well, I have, and your store and the other one assured me you had them.
Dude: Uhhh, you can get cupcakes from lots of places.
Me: Um, yes, I know. I can also make them, but I don't want just cupcakes. I really want these cupcakes.
Dude: You know, I haven't even had them, but they might not be that good.
Me: Mmkay, well can you just tell me where the next closest Coldstone is, so I can try there?
Dude: I really don't know where it is. This is the only one I work at. You could just go home and try another day.
Me: Great advice. Thanks for your help.

At this point I call Lobster and ask her to navigate me to the next location. When I finally arrived at Coldstone #3, I did a slow driveby of the storefront and focused my eyes on the freezer. BINGO! I saw stacks and stacks of cupcake boxes. Elated I walked inside only to be quickly deflated. As I bounded into the store and joyfully approached the freezer I noticed a problem. There weren't any variety packs! No, no, just packs of each individual flavor. No worries, though, because I brought my creative solutions thinking cap with me. I took one box of each flavor to Bimbo and Bimbette behind the counter.

Me: Hi! I noticed that you didn't have any cupcake variety packs left, but I was hoping we could take these boxes and make some together.
Bimbo: Blank stare.
Bimbette: Blanker stare.
Me: You see, there are three boxes here with six cupcakes each of all three flavors. We can just rearrange the boxes to create three variety packs.
Bimbo: Umm, no, we don't have any variety packs left.
Me: Yes, I see that, and I'm trying to remedy that.
Bimbo: Well, we can only sell what's in the freezer, and we only have single flavors in the freezer.
Me: Yes, you're right. But obviously the variety packs are the biggest sellers, so we can make some from the pre-existing cupcakes in the freezer.
Bimbette: Blank stare.
Bimbo: Um, I don't think we can do that.
Me: I'm not trying to be tricky, manipulative or sneaky. The price doesn't change between single flavor packs or variety ones. You are not losing any cupcakes or even any boxes. Changing these boxes will not change anything for you.
Bimbette: Stares of bewilderment or confusion.
Bimbo: ...I just don't think that will work...
Me: Okay, fine, whatever. I will just put these back since they've started to melt and get a new box from the freezer. Is that okay?
Bimbo: Yes. We can only sell what's in the freezer.
Me: Got that. Thanks.

So, long story short, I have cupcakes. They aren't what I wanted. It took 2 1/2 hours to buy these silly, silly things. All I can say is that they better be the best #$@ things Boyfriend and I have ever tasted. And they better be brain freeze-free.