Friday, February 20, 2009

Appendicitis and Internal Bleeding

I like to massage the truth. Not big things but for things that don't even need a story behind them, embellishment just seems to pour from my lips. Maybe that's why I'm in PR. During my last semester at State I was in a semester-long group project class (my face is contorting into the stinkeye at the mere thought). It was highly, highly, highly discouraged for any group members to miss class, and even though it was at 8 a.m. I did very well to play by the rules (I'm a big believer in rules). One Monday night, though, I decided I was tired of playing by the rules. I hated my group, hated the class, hated the project; I had already landed a job upon graduation, so I was mentally checked out. Instead of just skipping or emailing my group letting them know I wouldn't be there, I decided to concoct a story so I didn't seem like a slacker. This was my message to the group:

"Hi girls,
It's 11:00 p.m., and it has already been such a dramatic night. My roommate (Lobster) was having some pains in her side, and I took her to the ER to check things out. After a few X-Rays it was determined that she has been suffering from appendicitis! They rushed her into emergency surgery, and her parents are on their way up from Charlotte. I just came home to grab some things, and then I'm on my way back to the hospital to sit with her until her family gets there. Needless to say, it will be a long night, and it doesn't look like I can make it to class. I am so sorry! You know I wouldn't skip without an excuse. Please let me know what I miss.
Thanks!
PD&PB"

The next day I slept in and had a luxurious morning. I forgot all about my very heartfelt and emotional reason for missing Tuesday's class. On Thursday my partners immediately asked me how my roommate was doing. I couldn't think why they would ask or what might have been wrong with her, and I just replied that she was fine. About midway through class I recalled the appendicitis. I looked at my partners and immediately went on and on about the surgery and the state of her health, etc. When I returned home Lobster was in the kitchen. "By the way," I told her, "you had appendicitis on Monday night." Just trying to cover my bases. Instead of dreaming up this story, I should have told them that one of my sorority sisters had internal bleeding that required a trip to the ER since, which had actually happened the semester prior...

Said sister came into my room (read: 2' x 2' box I shared with Southern Sunshine... trust me, if you can live with someone in such small, ugly quarters and not kill each other, you can live together anywhere) as I was turning off my lights and simply asked, "Um, what do you know about internal bleeding?"  ?!?!  What kind of question is that?  So I told her that I knew it wasn't good and asked here why she would ask.  She explained, "Well, I was running this morning and got hit by a car." ?!?! "The car threw me a few feet and knocked me down, and I thought I was okay, but now I'm scared I'm bleeding internally."  ?!?! I advised her that we must immediately head to the ER for X-Rays. "That's okay," she said, "you can just give me directions to the nearest hospital, and I'll drive myself."  We argued about it for a while, and she finally conceded that I could drive her. 

I left Ave a note explaining my absence:

"Sister X thinks she may have internal bleeding from being hit by a car.  She doesn't want anyone to know about it, but I am taking her to the hospital.  Back later."

I know upon reading that note her reaction was much like mine: ?!?!

After several hours watching Univision in the waiting room, Sister X reappeared and informed me that all was well - no bleeding.  I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or a bit peeved.  She thanked me profusely on the way home, and I assured her that I was happy to help.  Upon returning to my room, Ave and I simply looked at each other and started cracking up.  Now, I don't take internal bleeding or potentially life-threatening situations seriously, but the entire situation and chain of events was just too much for us to handle.  

Sadly, I actually think Lobster's pretend appendicitis is more believable than Sister X's possible internal bleeding.

2 comments:

Southern Sunshine said...

Oh my. I had completely forgotten about Sister X and that crazy hit and run.

btw, CGL II almost died laughing (along with me) as I read this story.

Kyla said...

haha, that's hilarious :)