Thursday, March 26, 2009

...Who Art in Heaven...Hallowed Be Thy Name...

Dear Heavenly Father,

Wow. It’s Thursday, but my heart and my head can’t stop thinking about Sunday. You sure knew how to prick my heart with Pastor Furtick’s sermon on temptation. Lord, it is so easy for me to pretend like sermons don’t apply to me. The examples so often used about drugs, alcohol, stealing, murder, etc, don’t apply to me, Father. Outwardly, I have it together and those “big sins” aren’t a problem. On Sunday, though, You knew my heart. You allowed the example of worry to pervade the message, and You spoke directly to me. “Worry is the opposite of worship,” I was told. “Worry is a sin,” it was repeated. In my got-my-stuff-together-piety I had disregarded my chronic fears, worry, need for personal perfection and anxiety and instead credited them to being mature, responsible, aware and proactive. Satan’s studied me as I’ve grown closer to You, and he knows all about the pride and insecurity that live in me, and he’s using them to attack me and wedge his way into our relationship.


Dear Lord, those anxieties and concerns that started out so small and tiny have become my security blanket. I have enveloped and wrapped myself in them, and I don’t want to let go. Father, whether I continue you to deny it or not, You know my heart, and You know that my insecurity, worry and stress all stems from a refusal to truly trust You with my life. In my mind, I’m independent; I don’t clog your ear with petty problems. To your eyes, I’m a stubborn child who is blind to the fact that Your Will for my life, Your path for my feet, Your hope for my heart far exceed those that I try to control for myself.

God, since I was a tiny girl I have professed you as my Savior, the Lord of my life, and although I do sincerely love you, I have spent years acting as though a Savior is nice but not truly necessary. I talk the talk, Lord. Outwardly, I walk the walk. I know the jargon, the buzz words, the lingo of Christianity. Father, internally, I’m a wadded up, wrinkled, soiled and stained ball of mess. Just because others don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there, although that’s how I’ve lived. And that, Lord, is the reason that I need a Savior. It’s the reason that I need YOU.

Forgive me for wrapping myself in my own self-concern, worries, fear of failure, perfectionism and need to control my own life. Work in my heart, God, as I continue to struggle with wrapping myself in doubt and war with Satan to allow You to control my path and trust You to guide me. Shame on me for failing to even follow through with a Scripture I proclaim to be my favorite, Philippians 4:8, which commands us, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Lord, help me fix my mind and wandering heart on You, Your glory, Your beauty, Your promises, Your love. Forgive my doubt; forgive my fear; forgive my anxious heart; forgive my self-centeredness; forgive my flippant disregard; forgive my incessant worry. Thank You for your never-failing grace, eternal patience, and unconditional love for this prodigal child.

It’s In Your Precious Son’s Name That I Fall at Your Feet,

Caroline

8 comments:

d.a.r. said...

Bless you for sharing this. Seriously, thank you.

Katie said...

Wow. I feel like this applies directly to me. Thanks so much for writing this!

Katie said...

Ok even stranger...after reading your post, I remembered that my mom had told me that she couldn't fall asleep the other night, so she watched our wedding video. She said I needed to re-watch it and pay attention to the second reading. I just looked up the email to the priest where we gave him our readings, and wouldn't you know it...our second reading was Philippians 4:4-9. Wow.

yours truly... said...

Wow, this has inspired and touched me more than you could ever imagine. It's funny how much I can relate to this and really needed to read something like this at this very moment in my life. Thank you for sharing!

KRISTEN'S PALACE said...

that was beautiful!! thank you for sharin & i love your blog!

Meagan said...

Like the others have said, thank you. It really is like you took the words out of my mouth. My prayers are with you! I

xoxo sarahbeth said...

I too want to express my gratitude for your posting this. I never realized worry is a sin. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to better understanding! ♥

Sara said...

Thank you for having the courage and honesty to post this. You could be speaking for me at this point in my life. I know that God will bless you for sharing this with others.