True Story Tuesday

Up until this point most have my True Story Tuesdays have involved recounting past events. Lucky for you, dear readers (special shout out to Little Sis who is bedridden with mono), this week's true story occurred on Friday.

My high school best friend, Georgia Peach, and Lobster can both attest to the fact that I am very naive in terms of what is naughty, obscene, vulgar or crude. I really don't mind being this way, but from time to time it can get me in some trouble.

For the most part, I like to pretend that I understand double entendres, dirty jokes and the like, and I usually play along and sometimes throw in my two cents worth. Miss Georgia and Lobster have both been tasked with letting me know when (1) I'm completely missing the reference (2) using it incorrectly or (3) accidentally saying something dirty without meaning to. Unfortunately neither of my dear friends were around on Friday during a staff meeting.

As an agency we have vowed to spend more time working with social networking tools to promote our clients, and as such, we have begun meeting regularly to discuss social monitoring networks. Our most recent forum was on Twitter. While discussing Twitter, twittering, tweets, etc, the question was humorously raised about what you call tweeting in the past tense: tweeted? twittered? Enthusiastically, because I love making up new words, I loudly and eagerly volunteered, "TWAT!" Some of my coworkers looked aghast while others laughed heartily and agreed that it was a possibility. Satisfied with my new word creation, I repeated it several times during the course of the meeting and then forgot about it.

Later in the day, my coworker Red sent an email to me and my best workgal regarding Stephen Colbert's use of the word "twat" on the Today Show while referring to Twitter and the subsequent backlash. Confused about why my word would be considered newsworthy or controversial, I decided to do some research. When I Googled the term twat, I stared in horror at the results. Not only were my eyes assailed with obscene images but an accompanying definition that left me mortified.

I had just announced to most of my agency that a slang reference to a woman's nether-regions should be widely used in association with Twitter. Really classy move, Polka Dots. When I tried to explain that I had absolutely no idea what I was really saying, both of my associates eyed me doubtfully and skeptically. I explained my need for Lobster and Georgia Peach, but neither appeared satisfied.

At this point I should probably just send an All Staff email apologizing for my vulgarity and announcing that the doctors are still testing me for Tourette's.