Monday, March 30, 2009

My Not-ty List

I'm no fashion authority, nor do I claim to be, but just, no.

1. The Canadian Tuxedo - I've seen more than one offender in my place of work over the past few weeks. Whether you're mixing washes or going for the washochromatic look, sorry. Not working.

2. Jorts - The return of summer means plenty of warm weather to flaunt your games, but please be careful about how you do it. Men in jean shorts turns women off faster than saying, "I have an STD." If worn the proper way women can be sexy in jean shorts. General rule: if you have male anatomy, don't don jorts. Ever.

3. Middle Parts - I very, very rarely see middle parts done in a flattering way on non-celebs. Middle parts do absolutely nothing to boost volume or create an actual hairstyle; they also tend to make face shapes long, saggy and sad.

4. Peace signs - Actors and actresses are supposed to be creative types, no? Then why can Lindsay Lohan, Lisa Rinna, Miley Cyrus and others not manage to contort their hands in any other shape than the vomit-inducing peace sign?

5. Fringe - I know that fashion In-The-Knows are insisting that fringe happen. Call me square, but I just really hate this boho look. Ruffles = A+; fringe = D-. I like clean-cut and streamline. Personal preference, I guess.

6. Man-icure - Men should not wear nail polish. Male polish is not okay. End of story.

7. Obama love - Beyond not being an Obama fan politically, I'm not an Obama trend fan either. He's our President, not the latest wardrobe fad.

8. Tyra Banks - One word... Woof.


Ashley said...

oooo that's a pet peeve of mine too - when people through up the peace sign in pics! ugh, gag me.. i don't know why i hate it so much!

Kiel James Patrick said...

Ahhh I'm dieing of laughter! I am totally running out to the store right now to buy a new blue levis jean jacket! Canada here I come! ; )

Pink Bliss said...

This is too funny! Thanks for the Monday laughs!

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. I almost want to link it to my blog! I agree with all of these, especially Tyra. Her appearance on Oprah made me want to vomit.

QueenBeeSwain said...

this is why we seriously are from the same litter. PS- ever heard of a detroit tuxedo? carhartt top and bottoms!


beth said...

You know, why is it okay to say "woof" about Tyra? Because she has a normal human body and the picture you posted is not airbrushed? Women attacking other women is just a little bit 1980s. Please don't do it anymore. You're funny--no need to be snarky. Or rude.

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