Rule #15 - Don't Sweat It

When you're meeting a coworker for a very early morning workout, and you're nervous about bailing on her, you can go to bed wearing socks, running shorts, a sports bra and workout top and sleep quite comfortably. If you also position your alarm strategically across the room, when you wake up to turn it off, you'll realize that all you need to do is lace up your shoes, which will leave no room for excuses. Conveniently enough, if you also make sure that the temperature of your room is well above average, you won't be tempted to curl back up under the covers to stay warm. You will also be sporting a new sweat stain already by the time you reach the gym, which will cause the patrons to think you're more badass than you really are.


If, however, you are struck by the Womanly Curse 5 minutes before the start of class and are ill-prepared for her arrival, you should probably leave immediately rather than try to "stick it out" for 30 minutes unequipped. The results are not desirable.

Quench It

Today I passed a homeless man standing on the same corner where I previously hit a hobo in the head with a protein bar trying to help him. This time I had no foodstuffs in my vehicle or on my person, nor did I have any money to give him (I try to avoid giving money, you see). I did, however, have several Wild Cherry Diet Pepsis. I proffered said soda from the bowels of my CRV and held two out the window to the disheveled man who help a sign proclaiming that he was hungry. He looked suspiciously at the light blue cans. "These are really good," I explained. "This is one of my favorite flavors. I'm sorry I don't have any food, but these will quench any thirst you may have, and the carbonation can be surprisingly filling." He responded, "They're warm." Perturbed, because (literal) beggars can't be choosers, I responded, "Yes they are, but what else do you have to drink?" He thought for a moment before grudgingly admitting that I was right and he had few options. He accepted the flavorful beverages, and as the light turned green and I drove away he called, "Bring Coke next time!"

All I'm saying is... if you're homeless, move to Charlotte. You can be greedy, demanding and picky. Not all of us can say the same. Lucky.

Baby Bump Grump

I got invited to a baby shower on Saturday morning for my former youth leader. We were extremely close throughout high school, and she, Georgia Peach and I were a tight-knit group. When Georgia Peach and I left Charlotte for college, she fell off the face of the earth. We didn't get phone calls, emails, text messages... nothing. The only time I heard from her was when my sister ran into her and told her I hated Virginia Tech. She called me them. She really liked helping people with problems, and really I had very few of them (plus when I do, I internalize... I don't feel a need to overshare), so that was always a sticking point of our relationship.

Almost three years ago she married our other youth leader. They were made for each other, and their love story truly is very sweet and proof of how the Lord readies your heart and future. Despite not speaking for over two years, Miss Peach and I were invited to the wedding. Little even threw her a bridesmaid luncheon, but she never received so much as a thank you note.

After the wedding it was back to incommunicado. She and her husband moved to Florida, and I heard of her coming back to Charlotte to visit, but I was never included in the reunions. She got Facebook, and we've exchanged several messages and wall posts over the past year, but it's been limited. In February I received a text from her (it was a mass text) with a picture of a sonogram and the announcement that she was pregnant. It was such a miraculous blessing for her - she's over 40, has struggled with endometriosis and an eating disorder, so it's so exciting that she and her amazing husband are having a little girl.

A few weeks ago she sent a mass Facebook message to several girls that went/go to our old church (I have since left and split my time between an amazing, amazing church and Boyfriend's church) requesting us to send our email addresses to one of her friends for evites. Once we received the evites, we received another text message from her confirming that we had actually received them. Then another when I waited three days to respond. Tacky much? The evite also noted the places of the couple's registry but pointed out that cash or gift cards would be the best option since they were traveling. Is this not the tackiest thing you've ever heard? Who handles events like this?

Sigh. Anyway, I committed to attending, although I really only like maybe 1 other guest. Georgia Peach has bailed (totally understandable since she'd have to drive from Atlanta, but tears nonetheless). Pretty much the only reason I'm attending the shower is because last time I saw most of these people I was 15-20 pounds heavier (disgrossting), and I want to show off my svelter figure. SOOOO the most important question... whatever do I wear to said event which is taking place at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning?

Also, am I being a huge brat over the whole situation?
If you made it through this long rant, you must really, really like me. XO

Who Am I?

Queen Bee tagged me in this fun game. Surveys like this totally bringing out my inner middle schooler playing along with those chain emails to pick out your favorite color, wish while scrolling, then send to 15 people. Love them. Anyway, without further ado...

Current obsession- Picking out amazing fabric and learning to sew, so that I can create gorgeous frocks to share with all of you!
Weirdest obsession- Peanut butter. Two days last week, every meal of the day (including snack) featured peanut butter. It's probably seeping out of my pores making me the "Weird Girl That Smells Like Peanut Butter." One time in 7th grade, I was dating a hot 6th grader (Oooh yeah), and he dumped me because I talked to about peanut butter too much. Ouch. I guess I haven't learned my lesson.
Wearing today- An adorably precious coral-pink dress that I got for $3 at Gap to wear to me 21st birthday outing (one of my favorite dresses of all time that gets much too little wear) with a lacy camisole underneath, white cropped cardigan, and metallic BCBG sandals complete with 2 jewels and bows.
Favorite comfort food- Peanut butter OR my homemade chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven. Yum!
What would make today special- If the girl I'm showing my place to tonight decides to move in, saving me beaucoups of bucks!
You'd like to learn to- Sew! I can't wait to be able to... I'm oh so close!
Last thing you bought- Groceries last night. I'm trying to stop spending money eating out. It's taken up a much larger portion of my budget than it should.
Listening to right now- Sounds of the office, but the new Rascal Flatts CD in my car.
Favorite weather- Cold! I also love fall and spring, but apparently Charlotte is detouring spring and moving straight to summer this year.
Most challenging goal now- Getting a raise and promotion at work. Stupid hiring freeze.
One who tagged you- Queen Bee~ not only do I love your blog, but I love that we are the exact same person, and I adore sharing emails with you. They are definitely the bright spot of my workday!
Anywhere to live- I'd stay in Charlotte. Love this city!
Want in your hands now- Sadie May. She's the world's best snuggler, and today is just one of those days that I'd rather be cuddling than working.
Anywhere for an hour- In the audience of Paula's Party. Paula Deen is my hero, and we've met once... she held my hand and called me "Baby."
Language to learn- I took French for seven or eight years, but if you heard me try to speak it, you would have no idea.
Look for in a good friend- Someone who I relate with on multiple levels, can have fun with and is always there for me!
Meet in person- Reese Witherspoon or Amy Grant.
Favorite type of music- During the warm months, definitely country, but Amy Grant is my forever favorite.
Favorite clothing owned- My dresses. That encompasses most of my closet, but I can't narrow it down to just one piece.
Dream job- Paula Deen. Or a mom. Or both.
$100 to spend on- Fabric, clothing (more $3 dresses!) and baking ingredients.
Pet peeve- Hearing one of my coworkers talk constantly about her ongoing divorce while she clips her fingernails. She also applies AquaNet at her desk multiple times a day.
Who do you admire- My mother. Little has been through so much in her life and is one of the most incredible women I know.
Personal style- I like to be Preppy Classic With A Modern, Funky Twist. I wonder if anyone would agree that I hit that mark.
Favorite beauty product- Maybelline Pink and Green Mascara. It's the best. Always and forever.

How-To: Make a Derby Headband

Happy Monday! I've received a few questions about the headband so prominently featured in my below Steeplechase post. Because I have a humongous man-sized face and head, I knew that a hat may not be the best option for me (of course, I still put myself through quite the hat saga - Baby Sis ended up wearing the TJ Maxx chapeau and looked presh). I'm sure you're all aware of my headband obsession, so I decided to take it one step further and produce something even more over the top than usual. For a mere $4 I created the look. I purchased a huge fake flower of my choose from Michael's ($2.99 for mine) then found a $0.98 thin plastic headband at WalMart (thin was important so it looked more like a flower floating on my head than a huge headband). I cut a small rectangle out cardstock and hot glued the center of it to the underneath curve of the band. I then cut the stem as close to the blossom as possible. I then flipped the flower almost inside out (it took some trial and error... when I first secured it to the band without doing this, it didn't lay flush and looked ridiculous) and removed two layers of plastic. With the flower flatter and more malleable, I hot glued it to the band and the sides of the cardstock (extra security). For even more security and placed several bobbypins through the petals to the cardstock and plastic headband. Voila!

The Queens Cup

My Saturday in photographs:
~ Horses
~ Betting
~ Lilly
~ Ladder Ball
~ Family
~ Costume Changes

Suitin' Up

I finally ordered the bathing suit that I've been drooling over for weeks. Thanks to some very sly blogging buddies, I was able to scour some sites and find three promotional codes that added up to free shipping, $10 off and a free tote bag - a grand total of $42. The entire Protein Bar family (Daddy, Little, Baby Sis and Big Brother) is heading to the Tranquility Bay Beach House Resort on Marathon Key in June, and I needed something amazing to sport. What do you think of my new purchase?

The top in the first picture with the less scandalous bottoms:

Victoria's Secret

In other Polka Dots & Protein Bars news, it is currently 80 degrees and breathtakingly sunny in Charlotte today, which bodes well for my Steeplechase trip tomorrow. Of course in my painfully indecisive brain, the debate rages on between wearing my pretty derby hat or my cheerful and quirky DIY floral headband. I guess it will be a gametime decision.

Speaking of which: tomorrow is draft day! I do love the NFL draft (I am glued to my television for every single round), and I hope my beloved Panthers will come away with some excellent additions to the squad. I'm now a writer for the super fun Web site Chicks in the Huddle, which targets female football fans! The site is owned, operated and written solely by female football fans, and I am proud to be the "Panthers Chick" chronicling all of the on and off field drama of my favorite cats! If you obsess over the pigskin like I do, come check it out! Football season is enticingly close, and I can hardly wait for my Vols and Panthers to take the field this fall.

This post took a dramatic turn from summer goodness to autumn lust, but as you know by now, things like that tend to happen around here :-)

The Way The Cookie Crumbles

As many of you know, my dear real life friend aHr from Southern Sunshine is a teacher. I wish you all had a chance to meet and get to know her, because she is one big ball of sass fire rolled up in an itty bitty package. She is also one of the sweetest, most compassionate, Godly women I've had the pleasure to know. She was born to be a kindergarten teacher. As I mentioned though, the sweet girl is a dynamo, and when we talked on the phone last week she shared a story with me, that I had to share with the blogosphere.

Ave's school is in Raleigh, and she was regaled and delighted her readers with tales of such kinder-characters as Rattail (who recently had a makeover) and Mini Jay-Z. While she loves all of her children, apparently Jay-Z has been acting more like Lil Wayne than his Hova idol as of late. The trouble began when the little p-i-m-p began using his school meal account to buy himself snacks, which is against the rules. Accounts are only allowed during breakfast or lunch, and Jay was using them in between meals to fill his little wannabe-thug tummy.

To address the naughty behavior, Miss Ave sent a note home with tiny Sean Carter requesting that his mother rein in his spending and eating habits. Thinking the issue would be curtailed, aHr rested easy. The next day, however, the Jigga Man pulled a Moon Pie out of his bookbag.
- "Look, Miz Henderson, I got a big ole Moon Pie for my snack today."
- "Oh, Jay-Z, I love Moon Pies. Did your mom get them for you at Harris Teeter?"
- "Nah, Girl, I just got this from the cafeteria usin' my account."
- "Jay! Didn't you give your mom the note I wrote saying that you can't do that?"
- "I gave it to her, but now I'm hungry, so I used my account and got somethin' to eat. Problem. Solved."

Now, Southern Sunshine can outprep the prepsters, but girlfriend can just as easily out-gangster the gangstas. I've witnessed it firsthand, and the result isn't pretty. Ave immediately confiscated the sugary, Southern snack staple and placed it nonchalantly on her desk. As she continued her lesson she noticed Jay-Z's eyes flitting constantly between the board and his hostage Moon Pie. As she grew more and more irritated, she had an idea.

She was pacing the room describing the day's concept, and when she asked for questions, she gracefully hopped on her desk to perch whilst questions were being asked. She positioned her landing spot strategically and landed directly atop the wanton Moon Pie. "Whoops," she gasped with her steely gaze piercing straight into Jay-Z's. As his eyes began to water, Miss Henderson told him directly, "Rappers never cry."

She is being nominated for teacher of the year.

How Did You Get Here? and An Ethical Compromise

I cannot color outside of the lines. Even if I want to. If I try, the lines just mutate and absorb my coloring. Sigh. Today at lunch I returned my hat; HOWEVER, all is not lost. I found a perfectly suitable replacement hat for $14.99. I made the exchange and got $10.73 back. Fabulous compromise! I'll keep my new hat until Saturday at which time I will choose between the hat and my DIY headband. I can breathe a little easier now - and still look fabulous.

In other Polka Dots & Protein Bars News, I have been amusing myself by looking at the search terms that send people to this little blog o' mine. Without further ado, here are my favorites:

1. "Kappa Prep Said" - anything Hopsy says is a "do" in my book.
2. "Lobster Eye" - love my Lobster and her eyes.
3. "Compression Hose Summer Shoes/Sandals" - sorry, Friends, compression hose and summer shoes are not a good mix.
4. "Compression Stockings Sexy" - try as I might, I don't think I can make mine sexy, but maybe a Cougar Grandma can. Rawr...
5. "Appendectomy/Appendicitis Internal Bleeding" - not only should you book it to the ER, you should totally use this as an excuse the next time you don't want to go to class.
6. "Bimbo Protein Bar" - is this is a new brand? I'd love to try it! I'm sure some bimbos do enjoy their processed protein. Were, you, the searcher, disappointed when this wholesome blog was a result for your search?
7. "I Didn't Know The Hamptons Was So Rugged... The Terrain Around Lilly Pulitzer" - hmm, I didn't realize that either!
8. "Ingesting Too Many Protein Bars" - easy to do, but not recommended.
9. "Internal Bleeding 3 Days" - you should get that looked at.
10. "Polka Dentistry" - dental practice and dancing are probably not the best mix, but who am I to judge?
11. "Protein Bars Good Things" - couldn't agree more!
12. "Visible Thong Lines Candid" - isn't the beauty of thongs the absence of panty lines?
13. "Wiggin Polka" - I don't even have a response.
14. "Snuggie Polka Dot" - polka dot Snuggies??? Sign me up!
15. "Polka Dot Mother Goose" - I hate geese. Even the mother kind.

Saving Money Unethically

While I'm trying to find a time-friendly, passion-agreeing second job to supplement my income I'm stuck making pennies (I do love PR, though, so it makes it tolerable). I am a budget-shopper, recessionista to the nth degree, which helps. I restrict my budget when it comes to "want" items - those non-necessities that are just fun to have. For example, on Saturday I'm going to the Queen's Cup Steeplechase, and while I would have loved a hat, I decided to go budget-friendly and purchase a huge, fun flower at Michael's for $2.99 and a thin plastic headband from WalMart for $0.96 and make a derby headband. I was pretty pleased with the results, but not thrilled.

During lunch today my precious friend MK and I popped over to TJ Maxx where I fell in love with the perfect derby hat. You must understand that I have an enormously large head and hats generally don't fit me, but this one was perfect. It was also accompanied by a $24.99 price tag, which was much too much for such an impractical, frivolous purchase. Well, the Black Polka Dot inside me came forth and formulated the brilliant idea to leave the price tags on the hat (they're on the inside), wear it on Saturday (remove it if sweat becomes an issue), then return it, so I bought it. Yes, I am the lowest of the low. How immature and terrible of me. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and even though Little explained that I clearly don't have a conscience for doing so, sometimes you have to compromise ethics to look smashing.

Will I follow through with my rebellious ways? We'll see. Methinks yes.