Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Cankle-free New Year

Photo courtesy of

Cankle: n. the absence of a defined ankle on a person - whereby the calf of the leg merges directly into the foot. The calf appears to replace the ankle - hence the term "cankle." ; a grossly malformed, disproportionate, and tree stump-like ankle that merges seamlessly into the calf, so that there is no singular ankle or calf. (Courtesy of Urban Dictionary)

I have always had cankles. I am by no means a large girl, but I was cursed with a non-existent ankle. For most of my high school years I had ankle envy of other pretty girls and their feminine and delicate ankles. They could dance around in pretty stilettos and look like girls instead of transvestites with man legs. I even pointed out my cankles to Ms. Lobster one day and rather than correcting me and assuring me that I had, in fact, willowy ballerina legs such as she possesses, The Lobster simply nodded and informed me that my ankles were indeed bigger than hers. I know she was kidding because she is always super encouraging and supportive and likes to remind me of my sexiness on a daily basis, but she was right.

However, miraculously, the days of Polka Dots, Protein Bars, and Grotesque Cankles are over! As mentioned yesterday, I underwent vein surgery on Monday afternoon on my right leg and will go back this afternoon to have my left leg operated on. Last night Little helped me remove the delightful maxi-pads (literally, I think that's what they used) covering my incisions and my fashionable and trendy compression hose for the first time. The doctors informed me that I might see my legs get slimmer since the surgery would help reduce some swelling. I tried not to get my hopes up, but upon the first peek at my newly liberated leg, I discovered two beautiful ankle bones flanking the place where my right cankle had once resided. Ecstatic, I summoned Daddy and Sis to come witness the unbelievable. I stood for almost an hour in the full length mirror admiring my new ankle in comparison to my left cank.

Unveiling my brand new shapely leg, once buried under 22 years of nastiness, was just the motivation I needed to feel some excitement to go back for another painful procedure this afternoon. I keep reminding myself that in less than 4 hours, I will be the proud of owner of 2 girly ankles instead of 2 man-leg-canks. I can't wait to see where these news legs carry me in 2009!


Stephanie Espo.... said...

Hey lady! I found you thru MissAdvenutures Blog! Good luck in surgery! Can't wait to see your new ankles!

kels said...

umm... hello?! are we the same person?! I'm very interested in this surgery... ha, I despise my ankles, or lack there of?