As the Cupcake Crumbles

Nothing appeals to my visual appetite quite like an adorably decorated and perfectly sized cupcake. If you are not familiar with the seduction skills that cupcakes possess, please review above. Unfortunately, much like a Monet, I admire their beauty from afar but find cupcakes disappointing upon further inspection. Since I'm new around these parts, let me reveal a small fact about myself. I hate. Yes, hate, having messy fingers. I despise sticky hands, and I feel like that grime will never leave them. Hence, my dilemma with these delectable treats. Has anyone ever consumed a cupcake and not made a mess? I will go ahead and admit since Sis may be peeking at this, that I am by nature not a very prim food consumer, but cupcakes by their own natures, do not lend themselves to be eaten prettily. I love the idea of the individual wrapper (I loooove individually packaged food items), but how many bites should you take to eat one cupcake? What happens when you reach the middle and the top heavy frosting destroys the much more delicate cake, which is no longer being supported by the wrapper? What happens when I have a flipping panic attack because now, frosting, cake crumbs and all around messiness around smooshed between my fingers and across my palms? Should I lick my hands to finish eating the cupcake, or in a state of demoralized depression to I resort to tossing the rest in the trashcan, dash to the nearest sink and wash my hands and my hearts from this tease of a dessert?