Monday, October 25, 2010

The Match Project Day 4-6

I didn't actually intend to lump day 4, 5 and 6 into one post, but I got lazy over the weekend because Sweet Sis was home for Fall Break and it happened. Actually, it's probably not too bad, because these three days can be summed up in three words... sketchy, shady and sleazy. I'm not even going to break the days into stats and observations because it's just not worth it. Here's the lowdown.

Just for you fine folks I spent part of Thursday night on the chat feature of Match. One onomatopoeia for that experience: Ew. I received IMs from six different winners. Two of the six were fine. I guess. The other four gave me the heebiejeebies. One was 46, retired, independently wealthy and looking for a little friend to shower with gifts. One was 27 but asked instantly for my number. One was 31 and felt very, very alone in his life and needed someone to hold on to. The fourth was 26 and had a child molester mustache.

After about an hour I decided that it was beyond time to disable that feature, but much to my surprise no less than half an hour after shutting it down, I received Facebook friend requests from two of less fortunate chatters. Ordinarily not a huge issue, but I didn't give away ANY personal information to these creeps... not my first name, not my last name, nothing. Depsite ignoring the requests I've received various and sundry messages from them. Hey, guess what? I think I know why you're single and lonely. And secondly, I mean, I know I'm pretty great, but I'm not THAT awesome, so clearly, clearly, clearly you're just THAT desperate.

But these last few days haven't been all bad. In fact, tomorrow's post will fill you in on some closing thoughts from this whole experience and maybe some details about an upcoming date or two??

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Match Project Day 3

- My profile has been viewed 181 times.
- I've been winked at 42 times.
- I've received 23 emails.

- The male attention that comes along with online dating isn't as enjoyable as I thought it might. It sort of makes me feel skeazy. Mostly because it's from skeazeballs.
- People with names like "shank_a_potamus" will never find a life partner. Not a human one anyway.
- "shank_a_potamus" likes to look at my profile.
- Most of the profiles of my female competition are very suggestive.
- Mine is not.
- I am instantly unattracted to with men that have children and are on Match.
- I'm even less attracted to the guys that say, "I have kids, but don't worry, they only live with me some of the time." Everybody loves a good part time dad.

I got asked to go on my first actual Match date yesterday. I'm sort of on the fence about going. On one hand we have a couple of mutual friends - namely, God and Jesus - on the other, I feel weird about truly meeting someone face to face. Lots of opportunity for extreme awkwardness. Maybe I'll send my sister instead and have her pretend to be me.

The chap in questions seems really normal, nice and down to earth, but he's on Match, so he clearly can't get dates in real life. Granted, I am too, but since I'm not paying for the service I don't think I really count. Eh. We'll call it a wash. I guess I'll go. It is all about journalistic integrity after all.

I've been messaging fairly regularly with the Limp Biscuit joker. I have to hand it to him, he's pretty clever. The kid loves himself a joke, but a fair number of them are pretty funny. And even more impressive, he has an insane knowledge of late '90s boy bands. I'm not just talking *NSYNC and BSB, he's pulled out 98 Degrees, Five, and West Life. He has also seen and appreciates the cinematic genius that is Mars Attacks.

I got an IM last night from a guy asking if I had more pictures I could send him. I'm pretty sure it was Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. Maybe he thought I was LaFawnduh 'cause, you know, I have "sandy blonde hair, pretty nice face, but" he's probably "just T.O.ed because I haven't sent him a full body shot yet."

Also, after trading a few messages with the guy I went to high school with, I finally said, "I think we actually might know each other. Did you go to our Our High School?" I haven't heard back. Clearly that was not a good move. The collision of cyber life and real life is rarely a smooth thing. Just ask Tiger Woods.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Match Project Day 2

- My profile has been viewed 122 times
- I've been "winked" at 34 times
- I've received 17 emails

- There are very many unfortunate looking people occupying the online dating space.
- I've become very self conscious that browsers think I'm more attractive than most people online.
- I've become very paranoid that I need to show that I'm not a boring loser.
- I actually am kind of boring.
- I'm terrible at writing an appealing online dating bio.
- I don't necessarily feel all that bad about that.
- I feel really bad when I don't respond to someone's "winks" or "emails."
- I'm learning that ignoring them is crucial to not being inundated by creepy messages.

Day 2 has been interesting in this Match Project. Most of the messages I've gotten have been really lame. Such as, "Your face is pretty." Duh. "I'm from Charlotte too." Yeah, I see that on your profile, but thanks for letting me know. "I'm single." I would hope so.

The fact that I'm fairly normal and don't have any obvious facial deformities seems to be a plus in terms of cyber popularity. I've been asked four times if I like playing video games. I have to dance lightly around this subject. Sure, I enjoy video games (Wii and original Nintendo), but I know that answering yes will open myself up to a whole world of Halo and Dungeons & Dragons that I'd much rather avoid.

I have gotten two fairly quality correspondences going. One with the guy I went to high school with that doesn't seem to remember me. I have since decided that that's a good thing. I went and looked at some pictures of myself from high school, and I have upgraded greatly. I haven't told him that we know each other yet. I feel like that's some sort of set up for a generic rom-com. I hope so. Everyone loves a good romantic comedy plot twist.

The second legit-ish message went something like this:

"What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?
Limp biscuit."

If he were less attractive it would probably hit the trash, but I'm pretty shallow, so I'll appreciate the humor attempt. And it is kind of funny. Not "LOL" funny, but crack a smile funny. His profile says that the last book he read was a joke book. I guess he's just proving that? If he's a joke cracker in real life, that will get old reallllly fast.

There's been no reappearance from my friend with the equestrian fetish, so things are looking up.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Match Project Day 1

The Match Project is an experiment in which I will spend seven days trying out My goal is to be as realistic and candid in my efforts as possible, and I'll document the journey here. This should be a good time. The reasons for embarking on this venture are severalfold:

1. This is the first time I've been single in quite a while, and although I'm not looking for a relationship, one can never argue with a free dinner or drinks every so often.
2. It's free, and I'm out of blog ideas, and this should be more entertaining than random factoids about myself or long monologues about the difficulties that accompany launching a business.
3. I work from my house now, so the chances that some perfect soulmate will come knocking on my door is just not reasonable. The only people who knock on my door are the UPS man and the exterminator, and neither packages nor roach killing is an aphrodisiac. Actually, given the problem I've had with roaches lately, that's more and more attractive.
4. Documenting each day will remind me to cancel my subscription on day 7, so my card won't be charged for a month's fee.

Last night whilst perusing my typical regimen of online sites I was distracted by a blinking banner ad for I wasn't even tempted by eHarmony, because, well, it's called eHarmony. Several people have suggested that I give the realm of online dating a whirl (most recently the lovely Lobster). I shrugged it off as being for people who can't survive in a world beyond their computer screen who post fake pictures of themselves, but alas, I was taken in during a moment of boredom and weakness and inspired to just give it a go. If nothing else than to prove my point that it doesn't work.

I create a user name for myself (like naming my blog, this process was much more anxiety ridden than need be. I wanted to be clever without revealing my real name or being gross or cheesy like xxcutiepiesnugglekissesxx or something of the sort). I settle on SadieMay3rd (I would have preferred simply SadieMay, but apparently that was taken, so SadieMay3rd in honor of my sweet pup, Sadie May Jr. the 3rd, it is). I'm prompted to fill out a profile, so I can be accurately matched with Charlotte singles. I resist the urge to shut the computer down and go to sleep and instead press onward.

I also resist the urge to say that I'm looking for heavyset, overweight and obese males, therefore pegging myself a chubby chaser. I want to be accurate, so I force myself to answer the questions as seriously as possible. I complete the profile and am immediately matched with candidates I may be compatible with. I'm truly intrigued to see who (or what) I might fit with, so I start scrolling the list. It's ranked by percentile of compatibility, and I once again almost shut my computer off when I see that ranked at 99% compatibility with me is a true douchelord I went to high school with. Ummm, no. If that's who I'm being matched with, forget it. Before starting this I was dubious at best but now all of this site's credibility is out the window.

Still, I press on, send out some obligatory "winks" (similar to Facebook pokes) and call it a night.

When I woke up this morning I had several alerts from the Matchmakers themselves letting me know that over the course of my sleeping hours I had received 4 winks and 3 messages. I scroll through the emails and am pleasantly surprised to see one from a rather attractive guy who seems normal enough. Upon further observance, though, I realize I know this guy. We also went to high school together, and I was pretty close with his sister. Wanting full confirmation I Facebook who I think it is, and not only are we Facebook friends, but both of his profile pictures are the same. I respond to his message without letting him know that I know who he is. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that he doesn't seem to recognize me.

I was just starting to feel a little optimistic about this whole ordeal when I received the following IM from LowCountryBoy: "Hey there, do you like rodeos, cowboy boots, horses, horses races, Wrangler jeans? Do you have cowboy boots?" Oh, Lord, I am in for a long seven days.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Furry Friday

One of my favorite things about working from home is getting to take cuddle breaks with this fluffy cutie.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Trivia Thursday

- I hate Jimmy Buffett.

- I'm not all that fond of The Beatles either.

- I much prefer doing my own nails to having them done in a salon.

- I have a secret crush on Steve Levy from SportsCenter.

- I had a terrible speech impediment as a child, and it still rears its head regularly.

- I have a "thing" for watches.

- I have no ideas for a real blog post.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tuesday Tidbits

- I cannot watch TV if the volume level is not on an even number or multiple of 5. 7, 13, 17, etc, are all no-can-dos. My dad thinks it's hilarious to up the volume to 23 and see if I notice that it's such an unfortunate prime number. I always do.

- I felt like the whitest white girl in the world when I drove to the grocery store tonight listening to Taylor Swift and left with a trashy magazine, frozen yogurt and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

- I followed that up by roasting Brussels sprouts for a midnight snack. They were divinely delicious.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

But What I Really Want To Do Is...

I had the pleasure of dining at Firehouse Subs this week with my sweet friend (and new mom!) J. J and I are former co-workers, and she introduced me to the steamy, melty goodness that is Firehouse, so it was only fitting that we meet there for a life catch up and some girl time that including her precious baby girl.

She asked me lots of questions about my ongoing business venture, and I explained to her that the biggest challenge of operating Hems & Hers (aside from, you know, making money) is describing it to other people. When I run into acquaintances or old family friends while I'm out and about running errands or when they come into the stationery store where I work, I see the question in their eyes, "Soooo, this is what you do now?"

It took me until recently to not act either (A) defensively or (B) apologetically to the inquiry. Instead of "Yeah, I do. Wanna make somethin' of it?" or some mumbled response, I had to learn to start explaining that while I had the incredible opportunity of working at a great local ad agency for two and a half years, I was able to springboard off what I learned there and launch my own company - a clothing line, no less! And God really provided for me by allowing me to work part time at the shop to keep some steady income and save my sanity from spending toooo much time alone in my house.

Regardless, though, as I explained to J, I still trip up on the "my clothing line" part. You see, I don't view myself as a fashion designer, and even if I did, I would feel very much like I was saying the equivalent of "but I'm going to be an actress!" or, "I'm just here until Maxim decides to run the shots I sent them!" or, "You should hear me sing. American Idol, here I come!" or, "I'm playing at some golf courses when I'm not here. The LPGA is beating down my door." Not that the world of fashion or apparel is an uttainable dream by any means, and neither are those others, but I struggle with the notion that I won't be taken seriously with such a whimsical vision. In any event I'm getting used to it and feeling better day by day, but in the meantime I'll keep my aspirations for that Oscar under wraps.

Happy weekend!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

We'll Solve Any Crime By Dinner Time!

It's no secret. I love Mary Kate & Ashley (no, they are not "The Olsen Twins" any longer). From their time on Full House to their detective series to their short lived TV returns (Two of a Kind and So Little Time) to their on-location films. Heck, even their feature films It Takes Two and New York Minute. Below, my top five MK&A productions...

5. Holiday in the Sun. I've been dying to go to the Atlantis resort since this movie came out. I also love knowing this was one of Megan Fox's first roles, and that I was semi-in love with Austin Nichols before he was famous.

4. Getting There. Mary Kate and Ashley's last straight-to-video film. Sweet sixteen + Winter Olympics + new car = amazing hijinks ensue. It is so unbelievably terrible, it's good. Magical.3. The Challenge. The oft-forgotten Olsen release based loosely on the Survivor series, this was the twins take on reality television in film form. To die for.2. Double, Double, Toil and Trouble. This 1992 classic is a scary departure for my sweet MK&A, and it made me obsessed with moonstones for a good seven years. Heck, I still am.
1. Winning London. I think I've watched this movie no fewer than 47 times. I have the entire film memorized, and I will always have a crush on Jesse Spencer thanks to his role in this movie. "Just don't jimmy riddleoo in the back of me jamjah!"

Friday, October 1, 2010

Three Hundred Sixty Five

On October 1, 2009, the world lost a great man. Papa passed away, and so began an extraordinarily life-altering 52 weeks.

In 1 short year, 365 days, things took a turn for a place I never dreamed. It went a little something like this...

Papa dies
End a three and a half year relationship with B
Meet T
Fall head over heels and enter a relationship quickly
Become more strongly committed to my church than ever before
Expand Hems & Hers to include inventory, not just custom orders
Bid a bittersweet adieu to a best friend following her dream in the big city
Aunt Adrienne passes away following a battle with lung cancer and unsuccessful double lung transplant
I begin seriously entertaining the thought of leaving my ad agency
Interview for various positions
Visit Papaw for the last time
Fall more deeply in love with Hems & Hers
Papaw passes away following a grueling war with melanoma
Grow closer and closer with my family
Decide to take a leap of faith and employ myself
Give my two-weeks notice
Lose Mimi
Spend an incredible few days in Louisiana saying goodbye to an incredible woman
Walk out the doors of the agency for the last time
See Hems & Hers hit boutique racks across the Southeast
Feel more fear and trepidation than I knew was possible
Let go of my relationship with T (previously, the Beau) indefinitely as I tread cautiously, yet confidently in a direction of faith, humility and blessing

If 365 days can have this sort of impact - from goodbyes to hellos and everything in between - there's no telling what the next batch holds.