Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Cankle-free New Year

Photo courtesy of

Cankle: n. the absence of a defined ankle on a person - whereby the calf of the leg merges directly into the foot. The calf appears to replace the ankle - hence the term "cankle." ; a grossly malformed, disproportionate, and tree stump-like ankle that merges seamlessly into the calf, so that there is no singular ankle or calf. (Courtesy of Urban Dictionary)

I have always had cankles. I am by no means a large girl, but I was cursed with a non-existent ankle. For most of my high school years I had ankle envy of other pretty girls and their feminine and delicate ankles. They could dance around in pretty stilettos and look like girls instead of transvestites with man legs. I even pointed out my cankles to Ms. Lobster one day and rather than correcting me and assuring me that I had, in fact, willowy ballerina legs such as she possesses, The Lobster simply nodded and informed me that my ankles were indeed bigger than hers. I know she was kidding because she is always super encouraging and supportive and likes to remind me of my sexiness on a daily basis, but she was right.

However, miraculously, the days of Polka Dots, Protein Bars, and Grotesque Cankles are over! As mentioned yesterday, I underwent vein surgery on Monday afternoon on my right leg and will go back this afternoon to have my left leg operated on. Last night Little helped me remove the delightful maxi-pads (literally, I think that's what they used) covering my incisions and my fashionable and trendy compression hose for the first time. The doctors informed me that I might see my legs get slimmer since the surgery would help reduce some swelling. I tried not to get my hopes up, but upon the first peek at my newly liberated leg, I discovered two beautiful ankle bones flanking the place where my right cankle had once resided. Ecstatic, I summoned Daddy and Sis to come witness the unbelievable. I stood for almost an hour in the full length mirror admiring my new ankle in comparison to my left cank.

Unveiling my brand new shapely leg, once buried under 22 years of nastiness, was just the motivation I needed to feel some excitement to go back for another painful procedure this afternoon. I keep reminding myself that in less than 4 hours, I will be the proud of owner of 2 girly ankles instead of 2 man-leg-canks. I can't wait to see where these news legs carry me in 2009!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Headband Wonderland

As promised, here are my new DIY creations!

Two views of my delicious feathers. I think I still have some fluff stuck in my nostrils.

Who doesn't love a little bit of rickrack?

My cute surprise for my self-proclaimed non-headband-wearing Sis.

Did It Myself

Today I had the day off work to recover from Part I of two vein surgeries - the second takes place tomorrow - gross. Last night while wired on Valium I spent time on Etsy searching for Blair Waldorfesque headbands. Because I make pennies and because I am always determined to find a bargain, I realized that I could make my own headbands for less than the $28 ones that my beloved Etsy offered. Mission headband began today. I traversed to my local Michael's and collected feathers, round cream shells, rickrack and pink and blue shelly circles - total: $16.97. I then went to WalMart and purchased 6 Goody headbands for $.96 each. After a quick whiz with the hot glue gun, I am now the proud owner of 4 (I still have two free for my creativity at a later time) headbands that would make my favorite (actually, she may not be my favorite, but it changes every week) Upper East Sider proud. I will post pictures later, but let me tease your imagination with thoughts of a feathered hair accessory, one bedecked with pink rickrack and shells, another that is minimalist but still presh, and a final one that was supposed to be a gift for my Tar Heel Sis, although she informed me that she doesn't "do" headbands despite the fact that she has the most fabulous headbandable hair imaginable. Sigh. It was a successful project, and I can't wait to model my new creations!

As the Cupcake Crumbles

Nothing appeals to my visual appetite quite like an adorably decorated and perfectly sized cupcake. If you are not familiar with the seduction skills that cupcakes possess, please review above. Unfortunately, much like a Monet, I admire their beauty from afar but find cupcakes disappointing upon further inspection. Since I'm new around these parts, let me reveal a small fact about myself. I hate. Yes, hate, having messy fingers. I despise sticky hands, and I feel like that grime will never leave them. Hence, my dilemma with these delectable treats. Has anyone ever consumed a cupcake and not made a mess? I will go ahead and admit since Sis may be peeking at this, that I am by nature not a very prim food consumer, but cupcakes by their own natures, do not lend themselves to be eaten prettily. I love the idea of the individual wrapper (I loooove individually packaged food items), but how many bites should you take to eat one cupcake? What happens when you reach the middle and the top heavy frosting destroys the much more delicate cake, which is no longer being supported by the wrapper? What happens when I have a flipping panic attack because now, frosting, cake crumbs and all around messiness around smooshed between my fingers and across my palms? Should I lick my hands to finish eating the cupcake, or in a state of demoralized depression to I resort to tossing the rest in the trashcan, dash to the nearest sink and wash my hands and my hearts from this tease of a dessert?

Monday, December 29, 2008

InBLOGural Post

My darling and precious friend and former roommate, Miss Southern Sunshine, has inspired me (read... called me out) to begin blogging. After several treacherous hours debating on a title and username (who knew that that would be the most stressful part of my day???), I'm ready to begin.

To be honest, I'm not even really sure that I know what constitutes a good blog. Funny posts? Lots of preppy items? A sexy and sassy blogger? Oh dear, I think I'm overwhelmed already! After reading (read... getting addicted to) so many fabulous blogs out there, I feel like the bar is so high!

To begin, I should introduce you to the cast of characters that will make cameos on Polka Dots & Protein Bars:
Sis - my delightful and fabulous younger sister who is in her freshman year of school and absolutely one of my favorite people in the world.
Ms. Lobster - my best friend and another former roommate. She is one of the funniest people I have ever met, and my lobster for life.
Miss Southern Sunshine - as outlined above, this one is easy!
The Co-Workers - an amazing group of people that make my work life a total joy and will help inspire a large chunk of this blog, I imagine.
Sadie - my 10-month old cocker spaniel who has wiggled and snuggled her way deep down in my heart.
Little and Daddy - my darling parents, who are always an inspiration and such a huge part of my life. My mom is tiny, hence her nickname.
BF-Squared - my boyfriend and best friend for the past two-and-a-half years. We have been through so much together, and I truly cannot imagine my life without him.

I think that's it for now! My New Year's resolution for 2009 will be to become a faithful and fabulous blogger. I'll be giving the layout a makeover soon, so stay tuned! I hope you enjoy my quarterlife chronicles, and I can't wait to share my adventures with each and every one of you!