The Way The Cookie Crumbles

As many of you know, my dear real life friend aHr from Southern Sunshine is a teacher. I wish you all had a chance to meet and get to know her, because she is one big ball of sass fire rolled up in an itty bitty package. She is also one of the sweetest, most compassionate, Godly women I've had the pleasure to know. She was born to be a kindergarten teacher. As I mentioned though, the sweet girl is a dynamo, and when we talked on the phone last week she shared a story with me, that I had to share with the blogosphere.

Ave's school is in Raleigh, and she was regaled and delighted her readers with tales of such kinder-characters as Rattail (who recently had a makeover) and Mini Jay-Z. While she loves all of her children, apparently Jay-Z has been acting more like Lil Wayne than his Hova idol as of late. The trouble began when the little p-i-m-p began using his school meal account to buy himself snacks, which is against the rules. Accounts are only allowed during breakfast or lunch, and Jay was using them in between meals to fill his little wannabe-thug tummy.

To address the naughty behavior, Miss Ave sent a note home with tiny Sean Carter requesting that his mother rein in his spending and eating habits. Thinking the issue would be curtailed, aHr rested easy. The next day, however, the Jigga Man pulled a Moon Pie out of his bookbag.
- "Look, Miz Henderson, I got a big ole Moon Pie for my snack today."
- "Oh, Jay-Z, I love Moon Pies. Did your mom get them for you at Harris Teeter?"
- "Nah, Girl, I just got this from the cafeteria usin' my account."
- "Jay! Didn't you give your mom the note I wrote saying that you can't do that?"
- "I gave it to her, but now I'm hungry, so I used my account and got somethin' to eat. Problem. Solved."

Now, Southern Sunshine can outprep the prepsters, but girlfriend can just as easily out-gangster the gangstas. I've witnessed it firsthand, and the result isn't pretty. Ave immediately confiscated the sugary, Southern snack staple and placed it nonchalantly on her desk. As she continued her lesson she noticed Jay-Z's eyes flitting constantly between the board and his hostage Moon Pie. As she grew more and more irritated, she had an idea.

She was pacing the room describing the day's concept, and when she asked for questions, she gracefully hopped on her desk to perch whilst questions were being asked. She positioned her landing spot strategically and landed directly atop the wanton Moon Pie. "Whoops," she gasped with her steely gaze piercing straight into Jay-Z's. As his eyes began to water, Miss Henderson told him directly, "Rappers never cry."

She is being nominated for teacher of the year.