Dear Peter

Dear Peter Pan Reduced Fat Creamy Peanut Butter,

I'll admit it: We've had a rough couple of years. I consumed two jars of your salmonella-infested lot, and yet, we were able to move on once you stopped avoiding supermarket shelves. Things were going great... until you disappeared again. That's when I met someone else. Your brother. Peter Pan Reduced Fat Crunchy Peanut Butter fulfills needs in me I didn't even know I had. He has revealed a whole new side of our favorite menage a quatro partners - the bread and the banana. No longer am I content with your creamy goodness on my sandwich. The hard crunchiness of your brother's bouquet is a luscious contrast with the soft bananas and Sara Lee Soft & Smooth Whole Wheat - it's a whole new level of flavor and texture. I really thought we could work this out, but I don't think we can; you just can't satisfy like you could in yesteryears. Why should my tastebuds settle for you when I can have your brother for the same price with my VIC card? Sorry, Creamy, but once you crunch you can't return to your regular lunch.

Kindest Regards and Farewells,
Polka Dots & Protein Bars