Queen City Connections (aka The Meet Up)

Blogging from a computer in Charlotte? Social network from a computer geographically close by? Fantastic! Get your pretty little faces out from behind the screen and come to the Charlotte blogger meet and greet hosted by yours truly, The Company She Keeps, Olive My Life! and Duncan Dialogues.

The need-to-knows? This festive affair is happening on Tuesday, December 22 in the CLT. For details and to be part of this amazing event, leave a comment or email me at polkadotsandproteinbars {at} gmail {dot} c-izz-om. Can't wait to finally meet all you lovely, local ladies!

Jingle, Jingle, Ho, Ho, Ho

I would say that this year's Christmas party was a resounding success. We had enough food to feed a thousand and beer, wine, champagne and punch flowing freely. Unfortunately, my camera died after one picture. Here are a few snapshots I stole from everyone else!

Hair Did

Tonight my sweet roommate and I are throwing a Christmas party, and to say I'm excited would be an understatement.

Currently my hair is in an adjustment period... growing out from a stacked bob, but not really long yet, so my options for styles feel limited. As a result, I think the best choice would be to dig out my Topsy Tail and convert my tresses into these festive favorites.

The Search Is On

I don't access my Google Analytics very frequently, so I was a bit dismayed when I logged on today to see that my readership is down 9.14%. Dear, dear, I know that my writing has been a bit more infrequent and a smidge less entertaining than usual, but that's a bit drastic. What is that you, oh beloved readers would like to read about?

One of my favorite things to review on my G'Analytics is a list of search terms that led people to this humble blog. It is encouraging to know that although the visits here have dropped, people are still finding creative ways to read about Polka Dots & Protein Bars. The last time I did a search term recap, I had many, many compression hose enthusiasts, let's review a few of the new gems, shall we?

The Top Ten:
1. How to Make Yourself Limp Without Faking It - Umm, okay, sadist. Have you ever seen Misery? You could always do the block between the legs and a hammer trick a la Kathy Bates. Or you could fake it, like so.
2. Filet O Fish Donkey Lips - Not so sure about the sandwich, but Donkey Lips was clearly the best character on Salute Your Shorts.
3. Mushrooms with Stripes or Polka Dots - Those aren't the kind of mushrooms that I encourage cooking with.
4. Reappearing Bleeding Dots on Leg - That is creepy, and instead of reading my blog, you should dial 9-1-1.
5. Big Booty Extravagance - If that's what you're looking for, then let me assure you that you've come to the right place.
6. Appendicitis Wearing High Heels - That's the pits, really, but at least you're looking super stylish. The same can't be said for Lobster when hers ruptured.
7. "Clarissa Explains It All" House Kitchen Stairs - I love me some Clarissa, and the Darling household was where it was all happening. If you find the kitchen stairs, you just let me know.
8. Bimbo Protein Bars - I haven't tried that brand. Is it a favorite of Lohan or Paris? Do they have Bimbo Jr. for Miley to taste?
9. Does Protein Give You a Booty - Just looked in the mirror. Survey says... yes! All the better to highlight in my new tights!
10. Funny Blogs on Wearing Bad Undergarments - To be honest, there is no such thing as a good undergarment.

Honorable Mention:
11. Peep Toe Pumps & Protein Bars - Hey, Peeptoe Pumps & Pearls... let's join forces... we already have the name!
12. Cankle Surgery on Bones - What? Liposuction on the ankles didn't cure it?
13. Gag Reflex Acupuncture
14. Knock Knock Jokes Graduation
15. Ways to Unsend a Text - Tried it. Doesn't work. It blows.
16. "Brother 4 Sale" Tee Shirt - Love me some MK&A!
17. Visible Thong Lines + Blogspot - Isn't the beauty of thongs a lack of VPL?
18. A Scary Note to My Sister - Dear Sis... BOOO!!!!!!... Love, Your Sis. There. Happy now?
19. Baby's First Hockey Stick - Followed shortly thereafter by Baby's First Concussion.
20. Best Protein Bar for Leaning - I like my protein bars to improve my posture, but whatevs.
21. Manic Trout - I'm just not even really sure what to say about this.
22. Goose Bleeding Internally - Did you aim the stiletto directly at its belly? That will speed the process.
23. Man Boob Under Garments - Sports bras aren't cutting it for you anymore, big guy?
24. MTV True Life I Have Tourettes Grandma You're Being Careless - Only the most incredible piece of television history ever.
25. Mummified vs. Petrified - One, you're dead. The other, you aren't. Problem solved.
26. Pink Princess Mummification - Is this a Tim Burton spin on Pretty Pretty Princess? If so, I don't want to play.
27. Pregnant Girls in Thongs - You're either a perv, or you should direct questions about appropriate maternity underwear to your physician.
28. Protein to Make Shabby Face - You know, I just don't really look for my protein bars to do this.
29. The Trick Where You Have a Card With Dots and the Dots Disappear and Reappear - Ummmm, right. Did you actually type all of that in with the hope of finding what you were looking for? Because you found me. And I'm probably not it.
30. Tie Me Up Stories - Are you planning the perfect kidnapping scenario or a romantic night with your love? Either way, sorry to disappoint.

Rule #28 - Sitting Pretty

It is not at all advisable to practice wall sits in the handicap stall of your office's tile-floored bathroom while wearing heels. Not only is the floor slippery, but your heels will also provide you very little traction. Once you start to topple, there's no chance of recovering until you land, appendages splayed in all directions. Sticking to squats is a better bet.

Rule #27 - Bulky

When you aim to buy in bulk at, say, Costco, it is advisable to bring with you a mode of transportation capable of and appropriate for transporting your purchases. Trying to stack multitudes of olive oil, produce, cheesecake and fine winery on the back of your souped-up Moped will most assuredly be a disaster, sir.

Bowled Over & More

I'm getting awfully tired of logging on to PD&PB and seeing that big ole American Apparel bottom staring me in the face. It's time to update with something new... and today that means lots of snapshots!

Last week was exhausting, as have previous weeks been, but I managed to carve out some time for fun that included a Switchfoot concert and a little trip to the bowling alley (I was humiliated, embarrassed, and worst of all... beaten by Lobster... I never lose. Especially to her... ESPECIALLY in Mall Madness. Yes, we still play. Or did, until she kept losing and started refusing my invitations to battle).

What Your Wardrobe's Been Missing

It's no secret that I adore tights. My drawers (no pun intended) are stuffed full of turquoise, fuschia, eggplant, lace, fishnet, polka dotted and more. I had a lovely lunch date earlier with the glorious Swanky Peach and planned to take a quick trip to American Apparel, which happened to be right next door.

I have to admit that American Apparel really freaks me out. I just don't understand it. I think most of their clothes are odd, but I'm determined to find a gem there - the perfect white tee, some incredible leggings, one of those dresses that can be worn 27 ways (although I explained to Swanky Peach that that concept stresses me out because I will feel obligated to get use out of all 27 ways, even if several are beyond fugtrocious and heinous... it's too much pressure for me).

Before our date I decided to peruse the Web site in order to strategically locate some potential treasures. My first click was on the hosiery section, assuming that would be a safe and fun locale. Unfortunately, not. Hosiery was my first and only stop. Why, you ask?

These:

Please, in the name of all that's good and right in the world explain to me why you need cheekless tights. I mean, they aren't even technically bottomless... you still have a string there. Who, pray tell, who decided that we as women were yearning for a way to feel the breeze on our behinds while keeping our legs toasty?

I wish I had more words. I'm speechless. This is one stocking I won't be looking for come Christmas day.

Pupdate

Thank you all for your sweet comments about Sadie May. I am pleased to report that she's doing perfectly well. Her mama on the other hand, has been the struggling.

Life is pulling me in about 32 different directions right now, and it's all I can do to keep my head screwed on. Between work, church commitments (my heart's passion), Hems & Hers (my creative outlet and joy), friends, family, writing, new additions to my life and more, I'm just getting a smidge overwhelmed. As someone who really, really needs eight hours of sleep a night to fully function, the 4-5 hours I've been pulling for the last few months are finally starting to weigh on me. Something's got to give, although the perfectionist control freak is fighting with all my might to keep it all. Ideally I'd love to put more time into H&H and really see it become something. The potential's there but my time isn't. If any of you fabulously talented ladies have tips or advice for me, I would love, love, love to hear it.

Well this was a much whinier and depressing post than I intended it to be, so I'll sign off with the news that all I need for Christmas is Amy Grant and the Hanson version of "Christmas Means to Me." Seriously. On repeat. Like a thousand times a day.

Something's Fishy

Here's some fun math on a rainy Wednesday.

What do you get when 1 cocker spaniel pup ingests 30,000 milligrams of fish oil?

Wellllllll, about 37 panicked tears, 3 calls to emergency vets, poison control, and your mom, force feeding 2 tablespoons of vomit-inducing hydrogen peroxide, 10 minutes of nervous, anxious waiting, 4 throwing up "episodes," 82 high-pitched, "SADIE?!" cries to insure that the pooch is still alive, and zero hours of sleep.

It's going to be a good, solid day.