Boyfriends and Blogging

My dearest Lobster introduced the BF to my blog world yesterday. He responded that I should change the name of this site to Polka Dots & Homeless Men Bullets. Sigh. Boyfriend, who lives in a small town outside of Charlotte, cannot watch me eat a protein bar anymore without referencing my South Charlotte Drive-By. I guess I should explain.

A large population of homeless men in Charlotte populate one particular corner that I pass everyday on my way home from work and/or the gym. As an avid consumer of protein bars, I generally have in the car and try as often as possible to give an extra to the men on the corner. I'm sure most would prefer money or another type of food (the Queen City homeless are very, very picky. Seriously.), but I feel like it's important to give back to the community, and protein bars are excellent source of protein, calories and other essential vitamins and minerals.

Anywho, one day I chosen to bestow my absolute favorite bar (the old Zone Perfect Chocolate Caramel Cluster) on that day's man-on-the-corner. I was generally able to pull up the corner on a red light and simply hand it out the window. On said day, however, my car was further back than usual. I tried to catch the man's attention but to no avail. I decided that when the light turned green I would coast to the corner and hand the man his bar. To heck with the cars behind me. My flight-or-fight response must not have gotten the message.

When the light turned green, I panicked. I gunned my car, and in a desperate attempt to share my protein wealth, I flung the bar out of my passenger window. As I sped away I watched the flight of my bar and watched in horror as it hit the poor man squarely in the face then bounced into the road. My heart broke thinking that the man probably thought I had thrown something at him to let him know to vacate the corner. It was also broken thinking about that delicious bar lying helplessly in the road. I want to believe that the man knew my intention and went in the street and recovered the tasty treat. To this day, however, the corner is mostly vacant. It's inhabited only once or twice a week, and the men put helmets on when my car drives by.

Thrilling Thursday

1. The Protein Bar Palace is now officially equipped with internet! Although I've lived there since September, I finally decided to suck it up, stop stealing neighbor's wireless and get my own.
2. I have my first annual review with Boss at 2:30. I'm feeling the butterflies!
3. Tonight is the national championship game between Oklahoma and Florida. I hate the Gators, but I'm pulling for the SEC!
4. I'm slowly coming out of the blog closet (the bloset?). For a long time only aHr (who encouraged me to start this and got me hooked to all of your sites even before that) and Sis (who helped me agonize over names) knew that Polka Dots & Protein Bars existed. This week I let Miss Lobstina in on the secret, and she told BF today (they work together). I have been so worried about people knowing about it! So weird!

All in all, it's been a pretty thrilling Thursday so far!

To Have and Have Not...

Call me crazy, but I've been seriously considering getting another dog. Watching Sadie play with other dogs and how social she is makes me want her to have a friend so badly. I got my Sadiebug from the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Animal Control Shelter, which is a kill shelter in Charlotte. I absolutely love and support the Humane Society and other no-kill shelters, but I also know that those animals are safe. Pups like Sade-Sade, unfortunately, are not. I even convinced my anti-dog parents to rescue their new dog Bosley from the CMACS. This afternoon I found this little guy on the Web site. My immediate thought is to save him, but I don't want to make an impulse decision like that. I think Boyfriend wants to wait until his beloved 9 year-old lab Bailey is no longer with us before we add another furry critter to the mix. I would love some insight from you lovely ladies, especially those of you with pets.

XO

Sugar Pie Honey Bunch

I have lived my entire life in the South. There's no place else I'd rather be. As such, I am used to, expect and enjoy pet names... "sugar," "dear," "darling," "sweetheart," and the like; however, I have never ever ever been able to stomach "Hun" (or "Hon" depending on your spelling, although this spelling is less preferable to me). "Hun," does not sound feminine, delicate, lovely, delighful or even polite. No. It sounds rude, condescending, demeaning and just plain icky.

When the precious Ms./Mr. Anonymous commented on one of Monday's posts regarding Boss's comments about my nail polish and boots, it read like this: "Hon, perhaps he was trying to tell you something." Hmmm... "Hon" at the beginning of a sentence is probably the worst placement. It immediately riles my up and makes my skin crawl a bit. Perhaps Ms./Mr. Anonymous believed I need assistance or advice when I posted those anecdotes.

Well, dear anonymous friend, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and post your comment. In the future, please don't call me "Hon," even if you mean well. Also, you can rest your pretty, little head. I know Boss was merely commenting on my fashion and wardrobe in his usual awkward way. I was not offended, nor for a second did I think I was dressed (or painted) inappropriately. His commentary on the latest trends for us twenty and thirty-somethings is amusing if not a bit tiring. Please let your similarly nomered friend Anonymous II know that I was breaking no dress code, and I am confident in my office attire. Thank you for expressing your concern and opinion, Hon.

Do any of you other readers have any nicknames or pet names that make you vomit in your mouth a little bit? Or I am the only sensitive (and thus probably bitchy) one?

A 2 Protein Bar Kind of Morning

My furry polka dot was up for several hours last night whomiting her supper and everything else that had made its way into her system, which meant I was up with her. The poor pupcake felt terrible about making a mess. It all calmed down around 2, but I am dragging a bit this morning. I hope my Diet Pepsi Max (yes, thinking about the extra caffeine inside does gross me out a little bit) kicks in soon!

On Monday, Miss Temp started in our department while my adorable coworker (and the one who trained me) is on maternity leave. During our department meeting Monday morning to welcome Temp to the office, I tried to give her the stink eye whenever possible. Side note: I think that she will angle to be hired full time once her temp stint is complete in March. She is older and has more experience than I do, so her hiring would severely hurt my chances at a promotion. I don't think Temp paid much attention to my stink eye, and she now probably thinks I have some odd facial condition. On to Plan B.

Plan B is to intimidate Temp with my unbelievable cute factor. She only works Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, so I'm planning to look like a dynamo on those days. Working at my agency comes in handy for this. Given our fun, creative atmosphere our dress code, as stated in our employee handbook, is "business casual with a creative flair." To me, that equals endless possibilities for fun and whimsy. I experimented with Polyvore for the first time to illustrate what I'm wearing today.

c/o Polyvore

Please tell me that my efforts are purely self defense and not lame, desperate and pathetic. I think I'm justified.

Dear Resolutioners

Dear Queen City Resolutioners,

Well, it's Day 6 of 2009, which means it's Day 6 of the majority of the world's new diet and exercise plans. I know who you are. I saw you last year. Then I never saw you again. I really hope this year is different for you. I truly, truly do - endorphins and a healthy lifestyle are amazing things that I would love everyone to experience; however, I also hope that those of you who are going to quit will go ahead and do it. Save yourselves a couple weeks of sore muscles and hunger pains and just stop. You are crowding my space, and I am not your fan.

January 1 means that suddenly my gym (the one I have belonged to and faithfully attended for 8 years now) is swarming with people like you. You have taken my favorite treadmill whose belt is calibrated correctly. You have claimed that one elliptical not beside that guy who smells really, really awful. You have besieged the only Step-Mill whose stairs do not ka-thunk while I climb. You have even decided that the recumbent-bike-that-I-only-use-when-it's-really-crowded-whose-TV-is- always-set-to-Paula-Deen now belongs to you. The entire YMCA now lies in your sweaty clutches.

The parking lot is swarmed by the masses of the non-gym-going public, like you, who have decided that this is your year. Those of us who have paid homage to the workout gods are now left circling, searching for spaces and fuming that we have been displaced. My New Year's resolution every year is to avoid you, and every year I fail. I have held my tongue for six days now, and I have even tried altering my schedule - going to the gym at lunch or before work rather than after, but you are everywhere.

As I stated previously, I want the best for you this year. I hope your resolution becomes a lifestyle. I hope these changes are permanent and for the better. But let's be honest with ourselves. If this is your fifth, sixth, seventh year trying this routine, it probably won't work any better in 2009 than it did in 2008/7/6/5. It's just the way resolutions work. I'm sorry I don't believe in you anymore, but I don't; you've left me no choice. Please go back to your December 31, 2008 life and let me get back to mine. I will see you in 2010.

XOXO,
Polka Dots & Protein Bars

Gettin' Carded

It is not unusual for me to be carded when I try to purchase alcohol. For one thing, I look like I'm 18 years old; for another, I've only been able to legally buy alcohol for a year, so it's probably a good thing they're still checking me.; however, I had an unusual carding experience last night at my friendly neighborhood Target.

Let me say that I am the opposite of a smoker. I'm a nonsmoker. Never tried it, never will. I do, however, purchase lighters from time to time for such mundane tasks as lighting candles (note: if you haven't already, please try Cinnabon's Caramel Pecanbon candle... it's truly amazing). At the Target register on Sunday night, I realized that I was out of matches and didn't have any lighters at home, so I casually picked up a pack of Bics and threw them into my basket.

At the register, Mr. Target Cashier was scanning my Ziploc bags, my dog toys from the dollar bin, etc, etc. After scanning the lighters he paused and asked if he could see some ID. I looked at him quizzically, then peered back into my basket wondering if I accidentally threw in a bottle of chardonnay. When I saw that indeed, I had not, I asked why my identification was needed. "You have to be 18 to buy lighters," he responded smoothly.

At this point I will pause and say that I know you must be 18 to buy cigarettes, and I know that most people purchase Bics to ignite their Marlboros, but a lighter is generically called a "lighter" because it can light many a mundane thing - candle wick, piece of paper, house, etc, etc. After handing this civically responsible Target worker my driver license and assuring him that while the license still says, "Under 21," I am actually 22, I argued with him about the logic of assuming that buying lighters meant that I was smoker. He wasn't very suave with our point-counterpoint discussion and continued scanning.

I asked Employee of the Month if I had to be 21 to buy koozies. He stared at me blankly. I explained to him that by following the logic that he began with my transaction, I must be of legal drinking age to purchase a koozie, because while it could - and frequently does - house my favorite Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper (because the girls on 90210 tell me to drink it), it is most commonly used to prevent frostbite on the hands of beer (and wine cooler - cough, cough) drinkers.

I feel confident that by defending my point and making my stance clear, Target Superworker will now seek to amend Target's laws about smoking and alcohol accessory purchasing. I'll try again when the butane runs out of my Bic special 5 pack.

Rule #1

While blogging at work, it is imperative NOT to let your boss sneak up behind you and see exactly what you're doing. Particularly when your previous post clearly stated "Boss." I should have told him it was a fictional, short story piece.

Annnnd It's Monday

This morning I was greeted by my boss in this fashion (please note that he is an upper-middle aged single male).

Boss: Polka Dots, what happened to your fingers?
Me: Staring stupidly at my hands trying to figure out what he could be talking about. ...
Boss: Your nails. Ew. What's wrong with them?
Me: Boss, clearly you are unaware that Santa blessed my stocking with OPI's Tiny Toybox collection featuring the glorious color Brand New Skates. Nothing is "wrong" with my fingers; I am simply letting them dance across the keyboard in high style.
Boss: Ummm, okay. Have a good day.

Image c/o OPI.com

Note: This is the same boss who asked me if I'd gone shopping in my "high school closet" the day I wore my polka dot-and-cupcake Wellies to work on a rainy day. He sure knows how to make a girl feel good about herself.

A Peek Inside My Nest

For the past two weeks I have been hosting a coworker's 7-year old lab in my itty bitty house. Her family came and picked her up this morning. She was sweet and precious and Sadiebug LOVED her. Unfortunately she was also big, messy and sheddy. After she left and while my poor pup pouted I was finally able to vacuum (although it puts the pooch into a seizing, trembling fit), wipe my counters and unChristmasfy my home without the threat of a carpet of white hair being left immediately behind. Below are a few quick shots of my newly clean home and two new additions to mi casa - an adorable doormat that I insisted on holding out for and some coffee table decor. Enjoy! Thoughts or decorating suggestions are welcome!

Sadie and her very best friend Lexie.

Loving her new bed from Santa Paws!

Moping around after Lexie left.

My living room.

The newly-scaped coffee table - please note the Paula Deen books.

My brand new decor purchase - I already had the eggs.

My new doormat!!! I knew waiting would pay off eventually!