Rule #17 - Slip Slidin' Away

If you are playing office rec-league softball on a gravel-like surface and your team is down 14-4 with 2 outs in the last inning, it is completely unnecessary to attempt to slide into home. You'll embarrass yourself and lose half the skin on your outer thigh.

Your team will still lose because you were tagged out on the slide.

The picture doesn't do this battle scar justice. It does look pretty bad @$$, though.

True Story Tuesday - Sometimes They Call Me Mia

If I had half as much athletic skill as competitive drive, I could probably be an Olympian. I'm the only person I know who can turn a foosball match into an aerobic activity or choreograph a victory dance when I win a round of Mall Madness; however, I can also be humbled beyond humbled, as I learned not so long ago.

I transferred to my high school alma mater after my freshman year. As a new sophomore I was a member of the volleyball, swim and soccer teams. I had been the starting goalkeeper on the varsity team my freshman year at a small Christian school, but at my new, huge public school, I was a second string keeper on JV. Of course, I didn't mind that so much, since my previous team went 0-11-1. I just wanted to win. Our high school's varsity team regularly contended for the state title, and expectations were astronomically high.

My first game as a member of the junior varsity squad was against a weak opponent. At halftime we were up 8-0, thanks heavily in part to my solid play at starting right bench. Our AARP-card-carrying-shaven-leg-ponytailed-fashion-design-instructing-man coach decided that the start of the second half was the perfect setting for my moment of glory. As I trotted out to the goal, I felt a surge of adrenaline and excitement.

The objective of the second half was fairly simple... our team wasn't allowed to score a goal unless we achieved eight passes. Most of the action was taking place in the form of keep-away amongst our defensive unit. Feeling confident I assertively demanded that our center defender pass the ball back for me to clear to our midfielders. Our she-male all-star turned to pass it back, but apparently she was disoriented and wasn't sure where she was on the field. Instead of a gentle pass, my teammate turned and shot on goal. Unable to stop the ball with my hands, I stuck to my plan to clear the ball with a swift kick to the ball's leather gut.

With the proper angle, goal and motion, I launched my foot toward the spherical missile hurtling toward me. Expecting to feel foot-meet-leather, I was shocked when, instead, I was met with empty air. With a collective gasp from the crowd I turned as the ball continued to travel swiftly toward the net. In slow motion I tried to chase down the errant play. My struggle was to no avail. Despite urging inertia to cease all existence, the ball swished soundly into the back of the net. When the game ended the score tallied a respectable 9-1.

Although my tears flowed in a torrential downpour of shame and embarrassment, for the duration of the season my sensitive coach continued to report each week that as a team we had only allowed one goal... the goal that I whiffed (skillfully, of course). Unsurprisingly, my illustrious soccer career ended shortly thereafter. I still get mistaken for Mia Hamm around the Queen City.

A Change Will Do You Good

My large, green, shaggy area rug has seen better days. Between failed puppy potty training and general malodor, it was time for a change. A trip to Old Time Pottery yielded both a new rug (thick, fluffy and designed with a subtle neutral stripe) and beautiful floor lamp. When I got home with my new spoils I realized, aghast, that my new rug was much, much smaller than my old one (yes, most people would have measured beforehand, but no matter for this girl). I decided that my fresh and downsized home decor required a revamped living room layout. Behold the results:

BEFORE

AFTER

What a Boob

Hi Sweet Ladies, I know I've been a stranger lately. Of course, I'm still in a blogging funk, and while I would love to regale you with anecdotes rich in hilarity, I don't have any to share (many promises to get back on track shortly). What do I have for you today, though, is a reminder and warning.

I'm 22, and I have never taken self-examination or mammograms very seriously. Of course I've considered them important for older women, but not for myself. Over the last few months I have developed several hard, painful knots in my upper right breast tissue. The number has increased in the last few weeks, and in my hypochondriac head, I feel as though they've also grown in size.

I'm sure that these knots are nothing more than calcium deposits, or something else non-serious, but the discovery really alerted me to the need for regular physicals, a good relationship with your OB-GYN or internist, and excellent overall health. Thankfully I have many of those, and I was able to schedule an appointment for Friday afternoon.

Again, this post isn't "Poor Polka Dots," but rather my own personal BSA (blogger service announcement) to never be complacent or apathetic about your health and body. Stay well, dear friends!

I hope you all enjoyed a blessed and wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Flatlining

That's what my blog activity has been like this week.

Do I have anything funny or witty to send out into the blog unknown today? The answer is no.

My life has been rather topsy-turvy since last week when I was offered a promotion of sorts. I was given the opportunity to take a new position in the agency and out of the public relations department. My new position has me reporting directly to Madame P and combines new business outreach, community relations, agency networking and some public relations. I'm absolutely thrilled and was beyond flattered to be considered, but I'm also terrified. I know the change will be refreshing and wonderful, considering that I was at the end of my rope and about to explode in my old department, but the expectations are huge, and my personal relationship with Madame P does complicate matters a bit, as well. Overall I am so excited and ready to get my hands on my new projects and duties. My first official day was yesterday, and so far everything is exactly what I hoped for, but I know the learning curve will quickly disappear. Bear with me as I get used to my new surroundings, responsibilities, tasks and supervisors. I'm definitely in for an interesting ride!

Happy Almost-End-Of-The-Week, Dolls!

True Story Tuesday: Traumatizing

My poor sweet Sadie has been through a lot in her short life... having a family (maybe?), being abandoned in a field, being caged for a week at the animal control shelter, battling pneumonia, kennel cough and innumerable ear infections, and Jon & Kate Plus 8.

She is one of the most loving, gentle, cuddly pups I've ever had the pleasure of being around, but Pupcake is very skittish. Vacuum cleaners, motorcycles, motorized wheelchairs and plastic grocery bags are the bane of her furry little existence. We can now add to that list, the Gosselin children.

Sadieroodle has always had a difficult time with kids. Something about their high pitched voices, need to squeeze her and similar size really throws off the little girl. Her paranoia, however, has now spread from actual children in her path to those on TV. This weekend I was tuning into a Jon & Kate marathon. Sadiekins was sleeping soundly on the sofa next to me, when Aaden, Alexis and Leah began arguing and crying. As soon as she heard them, Sadie was off the couch standing stock still in front of the television. Every hair on her back was standing straight up and she began growling and barking at one half of the sextuplet clan.

Throughout the rest of the episodes, nothing I did could placate the pooch. She remained transfixed on the screen and followed each movement of the tots on the screen. When one would cry... or laugh... or yell... or make any noise, her hair would stand up, and the growling began. Poor thing couldn't handle it, bless her heart.

Of course, I'm assuming it was the children that scared her... it very easily could have been Kate.

So scary!

Standing guard.

Exhausted from the trauma.

Un-Send

Have you ever been trying to email or text someone about someone else, but because that person is on your mind you accidentally email/text them??? Orrrr instead of pressing "Forward" you hit "Reply." Ummm, I'm not saying this just happened to me or anything, but surely it's happened to one of you, right?

Rule #16 - Gotta Have My Pops

If you put a mini-bag of kettlecorn in the microwave and hit "Popcorn," then leave it unattended, do not be surprised if you must:

1. Fumigate your house due to the overwhelming burnt popcorn smell.

2. Find something else to eat for dinner.

Mini-bags need mini-popping time.

Sunday Praise

Worship: "The Heart of Worship"

"I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within, through the way things appear; you're looking into my heart..." How many times have I gotten so excited to sing my favorite worship song during a church service that I don't focus on the words or the One I'm singing to? How many times have I gotten distracted by the people beside me; the odor from in front of me; the whispering behind me? Being able to sing words mean nothing if my heart is not worshipping, glorifying and magnifying the wonders of the Lord. "A song in itself is not what you have required..." when I can focus my thoughts and my heart on the blessings that I have been given through Christ's sacrifice for me, then I am truly worshipping. Whether I worship Him through music or through my spiritual gifts, God wants my actions to be worshipful rather than an afterthought. How convicting to dedicate all of my words, skills, actions and thoughts to worship the One who made me.

Awesuuuh

Did any of you watch the season of the Bachelor with Lorenzo Borghese in Italy? What a memorable cast they had, including Erica (the socialite princess) and Agnese (the native Italian stunner). In one of the episodes, Erica and Agnese were alone in the mansion, and Agnese was trying to imitate any American accent. When Erica said, "Awesoooome!" Agnese repeated with, "Awesuuuuuuuuh." That's one of my favorite moments "in Bachelor history."

Why the diatribe about ABC's The Bachelor? Well, my dearest Queen Bee Swain has tagged me with the Awe-Summm award! How thoughtful!


Now, for my part, I'm supposed to list 7 awesuuuuh things:
1. It's Boyfriend's birthday today!!! AND even more awesuuuuh, I get to spend it with him!
2. Big, huge changes are happening with my professionally. The jury is still out on the awesuuuh-ness factor, but I can't wait to share details.
3. Despite two weeks of hair heinous-ness, things are getting better. PHEW!
4. Lane Kiffin is bringing the Vols back to power in a few short months.
5. Sis is home for the summer!
6. Answers to prayers are coming in left and right.
7. My sewing instructor hates Tyra Banks as much I do.

Were you expecting something a little more... me? Yeah, me too, but my head is totally spinning this week (promise details to come), so this is about all I can muster. BUT Happy Birthday to B and happy Thursday to all of you loves!