No one would mistake my pup for Einstein (maybe Giselle or Heidi, though), but she knows three tricks (more than half the fingers on my hand): sit, stay (sometimes) and lie down. Last night I decided it was time for us to conquer roll over (puddin' spends 70% percent of life on her back anyway, so this one should be easy). I made the mistake of letting her see me put the pieces of treats in my hoodie pocket, so once I stopped her from burrowing her little nose in there, it was down to work.
Poor Sugar was so confused when I wasn't giving her a treat after sit-lie down (that's usually all I make her do). She would repeat the pattern several times in a row thinking that might help. I started making her stay after lying down and would then push her over. The first few times she was so startled, she forgot about the treat I gave her.
She finally got it after about 2 dozen treats (we switched to ice cubes around the 8th one to help maintain her shapely figure). Er, almost got it. Now she will sit, lie down, then sort of slump on her side with her front paws in the air and just wait until I give her a treat. It's definitely not "roll over," but trick definitions are subjective, right? I may not even correct her. Watching her perform so enthusiastically and adorably for only 1/3 of a dog biscuit is good enough for me.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A Love/Hate Relationship With Undergarments
Yesterday my Baby Sis lamented the fact that she has yet to be featured in my "True Story Tuesdays". We brainstormed and realized that we have never been together during an event that would classify it as "True Story" material (trust me, this is a stringent and rigorous set of parameters). While we don't share many hijinks and shenanigans during our time together (which is truly hard to believe), my Sis and I do enjoy many a life episode via text including my new found affinity to discard my undies.*
* please note that this post will be less than ladylike or classy. I am admitting it now.
For some reason as of late, my work stress (which has been considerable) has manifested itself in an overwhelming desire to take my underwear off. In my opinion, the biggest fashion faux pas is visible panty lines. I suspect that few of you would disagree with me. I have never loved thongs nor found them particularly comfortable, but I do wear them on a regular basis with my work clothes, and while I don't enjoy the feeling, I can generally ignore it. That is until the Naked Beast inside of me rears its ugly head and commands me to remove them. On most occasions, I can ignore the urge, but in 3 separate instances now I've succumbed.
When my sister texted me to update me on her goings on, I confessed to her that I went to the restroom, remove said bodily offenders, placed them in one of the brown bags with which each stall's trashcan is equipped, then disposed of the bag in the larger trashcan. Truly, I'm not sure you can comprehend the relief. After the third instance, my sis responded,
"Sis , You cannot keep taking your panties off at work. That is just weird. Way weirder than anything I do."
To which I replied,
"It's nothing to worry about. Little and I went last night to buy five new pairs none of which are thongs, so I'm riding easy today."
Her immediate response,
"Haha I can't believe you made Mom go with you to buy new panties!"
She clearly does not understand the gravity of the situation. Our conversation then dissolved into musings of why she cannot be part of True Story Tuesday.
Sis: Wanna know how I already knew that you ate a PB&B?? Cause I read your BLOG. Too bad none of your true stories have been with me in them.
Me: What stories do we have together that I can share??? I would love to document one or more!
Sis: That's what I'm saying-- We don't have any hilar stories together!!! SADDDDDDD
Me: Let's make some this weekend, homes.
Sis: Hahaha ok. I've been thinking about it all day, because I figured we had to have had at least one really funny thing happen while we we're together.. but nothing noteworthy... I know we have some funnies.
Me: From our childhood. You got much more boring as you aged.
Sis: PAHA AS IF! I have BLOSSOMED with age. You never had this much fun with me!
Me: Because you dressed like a boy.
Sis: Bitch. You dressed like a geek.
I hope I still have followers after this post.
* please note that this post will be less than ladylike or classy. I am admitting it now.
For some reason as of late, my work stress (which has been considerable) has manifested itself in an overwhelming desire to take my underwear off. In my opinion, the biggest fashion faux pas is visible panty lines. I suspect that few of you would disagree with me. I have never loved thongs nor found them particularly comfortable, but I do wear them on a regular basis with my work clothes, and while I don't enjoy the feeling, I can generally ignore it. That is until the Naked Beast inside of me rears its ugly head and commands me to remove them. On most occasions, I can ignore the urge, but in 3 separate instances now I've succumbed.
When my sister texted me to update me on her goings on, I confessed to her that I went to the restroom, remove said bodily offenders, placed them in one of the brown bags with which each stall's trashcan is equipped, then disposed of the bag in the larger trashcan. Truly, I'm not sure you can comprehend the relief. After the third instance, my sis responded,
"Sis , You cannot keep taking your panties off at work. That is just weird. Way weirder than anything I do."
To which I replied,
"It's nothing to worry about. Little and I went last night to buy five new pairs none of which are thongs, so I'm riding easy today."
Her immediate response,
"Haha I can't believe you made Mom go with you to buy new panties!"
She clearly does not understand the gravity of the situation. Our conversation then dissolved into musings of why she cannot be part of True Story Tuesday.
Sis: Wanna know how I already knew that you ate a PB&B?? Cause I read your BLOG. Too bad none of your true stories have been with me in them.
Me: What stories do we have together that I can share??? I would love to document one or more!
Sis: That's what I'm saying-- We don't have any hilar stories together!!! SADDDDDDD
Me: Let's make some this weekend, homes.
Sis: Hahaha ok. I've been thinking about it all day, because I figured we had to have had at least one really funny thing happen while we we're together.. but nothing noteworthy... I know we have some funnies.
Me: From our childhood. You got much more boring as you aged.
Sis: PAHA AS IF! I have BLOSSOMED with age. You never had this much fun with me!
Me: Because you dressed like a boy.
Sis: Bitch. You dressed like a geek.
I hope I still have followers after this post.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Rule #8
The secret to successfully wearing shoes that are 2-3 sizes too big for you is not wearing white gym socks over top of black (prescription strength) vein hose (particularly if you are also wearing facial bruises from your attempt to eradicate Mount Vesuvius). No, no the secret is to not wear shoes that are 2-3 sizes too big for you at all.
Rule #7
If you are sporting an extra eye on your face, and you decide that it needs popping, you should stop after about 5 minutes if nothing happens. If you choose to continue pressing and prodding, do not be surprised if you are wearing facial bruises in the morning. When people at work inquire as to what happened, and you answer, "I fell down the stairs," they probably won't believe you.
I Didn't Think It Could Get Any Better!
Okay, listen up. I have some breaking news in the world of peanut butter & banana sandwiches. I'm currently tucking into one at my desk right now, and the ladies from the gym have utterly perfected the sandwich. I, like many of you, I'm sure, generally slice my banana, lay the slices side by side and then watch helplessly as they fall out the back of my sandwich with every bite. No more, my friends. You see, the Miracle Team at the Y has added innovation to my dear PB&B. Instead of slicing the bananas, they are now quartering them, so that two flats sides are on each half of my sandwich. This revolutionary idea now ensures banana in every bite and eliminates produce spillage. What could they possibly think of next?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
A Double Dose of True Story Tuesday
Now that I've outlined my general experience with my senior tennis squad (the only year I was part of the team), perhaps you will better understand what unfolded next...
All fall season senior athletes were honored during halftime at the Homecoming football game. Prior to the game, the athletes (yes, I was included) were asked to complete a bio detailing our histories with our respective teams, sport and teammates. We would then be introduced and escorted on the field by our adoring and beloved coaches (ha) and then our biographies would be read over the loudspeaker. I diligently filled out my form and returned it post haste, then I anxiously awaited that enchanted Friday night.
When gameday finally arrived, I dressed to the nines and linked arms with Coach Extraordinaire. As we traipsed across the field and reached the 50-yard line, the announcer began.
"Polka Dots & Protein Bars has been part of the Providence tennis team for four years. While she has enjoyed the number 1 rank on the squad for the previous three seasons, she opted this year to allow another player to enjoy time at the top and graciously accepted the last spot. She greatly enjoyed her new role acting as the squad's cheerleader rather than its top points-scorer. PD & PB wants to thank her coach and teammates for being so supportive of this decision."
As the poignant and heartfelt words were delivered, my coach's grip on my arm got tighter and tighter. She was furious, but the student section exploded in applause afterward, knowing the reality of the situation. I guess you could say that my coach got served.
True Story Tuesday
What I lack in pure athletic ability (which is quite a lot, really), I make up for in brute strength and a desire to win no matter what. You would be surprised to know how many teams that allowed me to be a part of in high school. My senior year I became a prized member of the tennis squad. I was ranked 18 out of 18 (can you imagine that I actually beat some girls out for the spot?), until an unfortunate teammate dislocated her shoulder and I was moved to the 17th spot.
Most schools didn't have a squad as large as ours, so I only played singles during two matches the entire season (to put it in perspective, I was allowed to play in the #5 position against two schools because they only had 5 girls each. I kicked their @$es), but I was able to play doubles consistently. We usually were the last pair to play because we had to wait for courts to clear before taking on our opponents.
The best team in our conference also happened to be our high school's arch-rivals (Lobster attended said school, but we were able to put it behind us). Emotions were running high on match day, and no place higher than on the court featuring the face off of the #16-#17 doubles teams. Mind you, we actually pigged out at the refreshment table for about 3 hours before actually taking the court (I gained ample amounts of poundage over the course of the season since, you know, I didn't really play. Who knew tennis players could be benchwarmers?), but these girls were the best we'd played all year, and we were really pumped to be playing such steep competition.
Most of the team was finished playing, and the court lights were on which only increased the cinematic, superstar efforts taking place on our court. Suddenly, I heard my coach call the team together on the other side of the courts and say, "Ladies, that was a great match; well fought. Let's grab our things and load the bus and get out of here and go celebrate." Wait, what??? We were mid-point, but I walked off the court, pressed myself against the fence and yelled at the top of my voice...
"UMMMM, EXCUSE ME?! WE'RE ON THIS TEAM TOO AND WE'RE STILL PLAYING!!!!!"
My coach looked up, baffled and confused, in my direction. "Oh, uh, right," she muttered sheepishly. She gathered the team to our court, and they cheered us on - although no one actually bothered to put their bags down or take a seat.
During a change in courts, I called my competition over and asked them to make the rest of our match as long as possible. They complied, and we engaged in a marathon of rallies, second serves, replayed points and lost balls. I was fuming and sent each balls whizzing across the net to try and release some of my frustration (note: "whizzing," when you're the 17th ranked player would make Maria Sharapova ashamed).
When we finally finished (even more fitting, we lost, which almost made me feel even better), we loaded the bus to go home. My coach didn't speak to me, nor I to her. As I took my seat, I realized that maybe I wasn't made for tennis; I should have been a cheerleader after all.
Most schools didn't have a squad as large as ours, so I only played singles during two matches the entire season (to put it in perspective, I was allowed to play in the #5 position against two schools because they only had 5 girls each. I kicked their @$es), but I was able to play doubles consistently. We usually were the last pair to play because we had to wait for courts to clear before taking on our opponents.
The best team in our conference also happened to be our high school's arch-rivals (Lobster attended said school, but we were able to put it behind us). Emotions were running high on match day, and no place higher than on the court featuring the face off of the #16-#17 doubles teams. Mind you, we actually pigged out at the refreshment table for about 3 hours before actually taking the court (I gained ample amounts of poundage over the course of the season since, you know, I didn't really play. Who knew tennis players could be benchwarmers?), but these girls were the best we'd played all year, and we were really pumped to be playing such steep competition.
Most of the team was finished playing, and the court lights were on which only increased the cinematic, superstar efforts taking place on our court. Suddenly, I heard my coach call the team together on the other side of the courts and say, "Ladies, that was a great match; well fought. Let's grab our things and load the bus and get out of here and go celebrate." Wait, what??? We were mid-point, but I walked off the court, pressed myself against the fence and yelled at the top of my voice...
"UMMMM, EXCUSE ME?! WE'RE ON THIS TEAM TOO AND WE'RE STILL PLAYING!!!!!"
My coach looked up, baffled and confused, in my direction. "Oh, uh, right," she muttered sheepishly. She gathered the team to our court, and they cheered us on - although no one actually bothered to put their bags down or take a seat.
During a change in courts, I called my competition over and asked them to make the rest of our match as long as possible. They complied, and we engaged in a marathon of rallies, second serves, replayed points and lost balls. I was fuming and sent each balls whizzing across the net to try and release some of my frustration (note: "whizzing," when you're the 17th ranked player would make Maria Sharapova ashamed).
When we finally finished (even more fitting, we lost, which almost made me feel even better), we loaded the bus to go home. My coach didn't speak to me, nor I to her. As I took my seat, I realized that maybe I wasn't made for tennis; I should have been a cheerleader after all.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Rule #6... Smokin'
If it is 5:30 in the morning, and you are running on the treadmill at a stringent pace, and all of sudden you smell smoke, notice that your towel is missing and all of the treadmills in your row short circuit, you should walk away and pretend that you don't see your towel stuck between the machine and the moving belt smoking and flaming a bit. Just pretend as though you were finished anyway. Go get another towel and find a (much safer and more flame retardant) elliptical.
Yippee and "Wahoo"
Okay, corniest title ever, but I'm super excited because Katie from A Hokie & A Wahoo tagged me to play this super fun game!
Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
Step 2: tag eight other un-tagged people.
1) What are you wearing right now? Black patent peeptoe pumps, grey trousers, a silver, gray and black polka dot satiny shirt with a Banana Republic cropped, structure black swing jacket over top. I also have my bangs pulled back in my omni-present front braid a la Lauren Conrad, but totally not copying her.
2) What's the last thing I read/ are currently reading? I'm reading a lovely novel by Cassandra King titled Queen of Broken Hearts. Boyfriend's mom always gives me books to read, and they're almost always top notch. This one is proving to be no exception!
3) Do you nap a lot? The answer is usually no, although this weekend it seemed like I couldn't keep my peeps open! I really hate napping while wearing mascara - you always wake up with spidery mascara lashes. You know what I'm talking about!
4) Who was the last person you hugged? Boyfriend or Sadie May, but she's not a person, so I suppose that doesn't count.
5) What's your current obsession/addiction? Peanut Butter & Banana sandwiches from the Dowd Y, natch! Decorating my home comes in a close second, followed by blogging (I'm lying, blogging is totally first).
6) What was the last thing you said out loud? "My ears are bleeding!" in context, this was perfectly appropriately considering my favorite coworker (sarcasm abounds) was discussing whether a woman could impregnate herself using a turkey baster full of baby batter. Ew, yes, ew, my fingers are now bleeding from typing that.
7) What websites do you always visit when you go online? Perez, People, US Weekly, Bricks & Stones Gossip, PopSugar, Blogger...
8) What was the last item you bought? Protein bars!
9) How many children do you wish to have? 3... 2 girls and a boy, just like my family. Every girl needs a sister, right, Sis-Boom-Bah?
10) If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished- anywhere in the world, where would it be? This may not be an exciting answer, but it would be in Charlotte, but in one of the big old houses in Myers Park or Eastover.
11) Favorite Vacation spot? I looooove the mountains, but if I'm thinking outside of a weekend getaway, it would be going back to Turks & Caicos... that was paradise!
12) Say something to the person who tagged you: Hokie & A Wahoo, I just adore your blog and reading all of your adventures in newlyweddedom. Plus, I think you look exactly like Grace Kelly!
13) Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you- Diet soda. I know it doesn't have the sugar or calories, but I'm sure it is eating my insides completely to bits. Hurts so good!
14) You are on the Oregon Trail. How are things going? I'm a master buffalo hunter (the rabbits are too fast for my gun), but now I have too much meat to carry on my wagon, so we'll have to leave it to rot. The buffalo will be around forever anyway. Poor Enus got injured when we tried to repair the axle (we didn't buy enough at the store), and it looks like there's mutiny afoot.
15) Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is over flowing with a zillion others?! It would have to be my black leather boots judging from the nails sticking out of either heel.
16) Name one thing you cannot live with out: Diet soda, celebs, Sadie, protein bars.
17) Has a celebrity's haircut ever influence you on your own hairstyle? I took a picture of Nicole Richie's bob with swide swept bangs to an appointment a while back, and I've been evolving that style ever sense - currently going more Posh stacked and sans bangs.
18) What is your most embarrassing moment? Falling off the treadmill at the Y flat on my face, then getting up and pretending it didn't happen even though people kept coming by to ask if I was okay. I just stared blankly like I didn't know what they were talking about. They probably thought I had a concussion.
19) If you could be any inanimate object, what would it be, and why? I would be a window, so I could see inside and outside no matter where I was placed, and I would be able to enjoy the feeling of the rain and the warmth of the sun (I think my fingers are bleeding again).
That was so fun! I've seen this on lots of blogs around the block, so I'll tag anyone who hasn't played yet!
Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
Step 2: tag eight other un-tagged people.
1) What are you wearing right now? Black patent peeptoe pumps, grey trousers, a silver, gray and black polka dot satiny shirt with a Banana Republic cropped, structure black swing jacket over top. I also have my bangs pulled back in my omni-present front braid a la Lauren Conrad, but totally not copying her.
2) What's the last thing I read/ are currently reading? I'm reading a lovely novel by Cassandra King titled Queen of Broken Hearts. Boyfriend's mom always gives me books to read, and they're almost always top notch. This one is proving to be no exception!
3) Do you nap a lot? The answer is usually no, although this weekend it seemed like I couldn't keep my peeps open! I really hate napping while wearing mascara - you always wake up with spidery mascara lashes. You know what I'm talking about!
4) Who was the last person you hugged? Boyfriend or Sadie May, but she's not a person, so I suppose that doesn't count.
5) What's your current obsession/addiction? Peanut Butter & Banana sandwiches from the Dowd Y, natch! Decorating my home comes in a close second, followed by blogging (I'm lying, blogging is totally first).
6) What was the last thing you said out loud? "My ears are bleeding!" in context, this was perfectly appropriately considering my favorite coworker (sarcasm abounds) was discussing whether a woman could impregnate herself using a turkey baster full of baby batter. Ew, yes, ew, my fingers are now bleeding from typing that.
7) What websites do you always visit when you go online? Perez, People, US Weekly, Bricks & Stones Gossip, PopSugar, Blogger...
8) What was the last item you bought? Protein bars!
9) How many children do you wish to have? 3... 2 girls and a boy, just like my family. Every girl needs a sister, right, Sis-Boom-Bah?
10) If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished- anywhere in the world, where would it be? This may not be an exciting answer, but it would be in Charlotte, but in one of the big old houses in Myers Park or Eastover.
11) Favorite Vacation spot? I looooove the mountains, but if I'm thinking outside of a weekend getaway, it would be going back to Turks & Caicos... that was paradise!
12) Say something to the person who tagged you: Hokie & A Wahoo, I just adore your blog and reading all of your adventures in newlyweddedom. Plus, I think you look exactly like Grace Kelly!
13) Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you- Diet soda. I know it doesn't have the sugar or calories, but I'm sure it is eating my insides completely to bits. Hurts so good!
14) You are on the Oregon Trail. How are things going? I'm a master buffalo hunter (the rabbits are too fast for my gun), but now I have too much meat to carry on my wagon, so we'll have to leave it to rot. The buffalo will be around forever anyway. Poor Enus got injured when we tried to repair the axle (we didn't buy enough at the store), and it looks like there's mutiny afoot.
15) Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is over flowing with a zillion others?! It would have to be my black leather boots judging from the nails sticking out of either heel.
16) Name one thing you cannot live with out: Diet soda, celebs, Sadie, protein bars.
17) Has a celebrity's haircut ever influence you on your own hairstyle? I took a picture of Nicole Richie's bob with swide swept bangs to an appointment a while back, and I've been evolving that style ever sense - currently going more Posh stacked and sans bangs.
18) What is your most embarrassing moment? Falling off the treadmill at the Y flat on my face, then getting up and pretending it didn't happen even though people kept coming by to ask if I was okay. I just stared blankly like I didn't know what they were talking about. They probably thought I had a concussion.
19) If you could be any inanimate object, what would it be, and why? I would be a window, so I could see inside and outside no matter where I was placed, and I would be able to enjoy the feeling of the rain and the warmth of the sun (I think my fingers are bleeding again).
That was so fun! I've seen this on lots of blogs around the block, so I'll tag anyone who hasn't played yet!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sunday Praise
Praise and Worship: "Amazing Grace"
Scripture: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” - Deuteronomy 6:4-5
Once again the Word pricks my heart with accountability. How easy it is to proclaim that we love our Lord with all of heart, soul and strength, but do we really? As the hymn declares, God's grace is amazing, and even when He knows that our hearts and faith stray and fall at the feet of others, His grace and mercy cover us and steer us back to His loving arms. Amen.
Scripture: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” - Deuteronomy 6:4-5
Once again the Word pricks my heart with accountability. How easy it is to proclaim that we love our Lord with all of heart, soul and strength, but do we really? As the hymn declares, God's grace is amazing, and even when He knows that our hearts and faith stray and fall at the feet of others, His grace and mercy cover us and steer us back to His loving arms. Amen.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
