Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Admittedly, the title of "wife" carries an incredible weight with me. I've always been a great girlfriend, and, as it turns out, I've got the fiancee thing down pretty well. The obligation I feel as the fella's wife is considerable, and something that I welcome with open arms, with the knowledge that I'll feel an overwhelming responsibility to be a wonderful partner for the man whose life I'm pledging my own to. Part of the way, I've realized, that I can prepare for this major life transition - and that I can be best able to serve him selflessly - is to learn to take care of myself and manage my own life well.

I constantly feel the need to do-do-do and go-go-go... from juggling an insanely hectic and harried work schedule, to maintaining my own side business, continually pouring into my family, actively staying plugged into friendships, I feel the pull of many different roles and hats - as many of us do. I realize that there are days, if not weeks, at a time that I don't spend one second intentionally inhaling, exhaling, being. I manage my sizable stress and anxiety well, but when I hit a wall, it's at 120 mph, and the debris can scatter far and wide.

The best thing I can do before entering my marriage is to learn how to take those breaths, prioritize myself and decompress healthily. Today on my to-do list, I included, "RELAX." Odd, but helpful. After a whirlwind day at the office, fast and furious workout, quick stop by Little's accessory showcase (delightful swig of prosecco included, natch), some rah-rah-rahs in the stands of the fella's softball game and squeezing in a quick bite to eat, I settled in to teach myself to relax.
The first step was to tackle some laundry (a strange step in the process, but a great way to ease my anxiety about household chores being behind), then to pour myself a glass of wine, break off a square of Ghiradelli extra dark chocolate, run a hot bath, grab the newest Marie Claire out of my to-read mail pile and sink into the tub. I forced myself to stay in the bath for 12 minutes (10 seemed too cursory but 15 seemed impossible). I set a timer for myself and coached myself to sip, read, luxuriate and repeat. Magically the final 7 minutes melted away as I sunk deeper into my tub (the first 5 seemed an eternity and extremely wasteful).

I was fabulously energized to tackle my next big project - cleaning my closet. With a new mindset of taking care of myself, I quickly filled six bags with old clothing and shoes and swiftly began emptying my bathroom cabinets as well. I'm in bed now with an insane sense of accomplishment. I still have so much to do to ready my condo for the fella to move in (we refuse to live together pre-marriage), but I learned so much about myself tonight. Active, productive tasks can be counted as relaxation exercises when paired with passive, indulgent ones. There are still many, many, many things I can learn before officially becoming a wife, but I'm excited to spend the next five months getting reacquainted with myself, so that I can be the best version of "for better or worse" when I become Mrs. The Fella.

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