The last time I tried to buy a pack of lighters, so that I could have the ability to instantaneously light the multitude of candles in each and every room of my house, I was carded. I couldn't figure out why I needed to present my poorly-complexioned identification for the purchase, but the cashier explained to me that since you have to be 18 to buy cigs, you have to be 18 to buy lighters since they light them. Uh huh. So does that mean I have to be 21 to buy a koozie because it could house beer? 21 to buy a lime because I could be pairing it with both gin and tonic (ohmygoshgivemeoneofthoserightnow)? Those thoughts, of course, led to deeper and deeper pontifications, resulting in the big question of the day: do you have to be 21 to buy O'Doul's**? It's nonalcoholic but housed in the beer cooler. Looks like beer, smells like beer, gives you a gut like beer, probably tastes like beer but without the best part of beer - the buzz. My goal for the week is to find someone in high school, send them into the store and see how successful they are.
**my high school/college boyfriend's dad was nearly addicted to O'Doul's. We'd go over to his parents' house and find his dad on the couch in the bonus room, shirtless, with O'Doul's cans scattered around. He was like a non-alcoholic drunk, which was probably sadder. I wonder if he ever knew there wasn't alcohol in them.