The Inedibles

It's no secret that I'm a sucker for finger foods. I would rather eat my weight in cheese and crackers, Goldfish, and appetizers than a full meal. So I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that my eager spirit to dip my hand into a bowl of munchies would, at some point, become a liability. In fact, not just once, but thrice...

1. While at the fella's parents' house, he grabbed a bowl and made a trip into the pantry. As he exited the closet of tasty delights, he shook the bowl and held it out to me. Excited to have snacks offered to me I immediately reached in, grabbed a morsel and popped it in my mouth, and cringed. "BABE!" the fella exclaimed, "That's dog food! I just wanted you to put it on the floor." Thoroughly embarrassed, I quickly spit the kibble back in the bowl, silently counting my blessings that I wouldn't have to pretend that my future mother-in-law had invented a savory and delicious new treat.

2. I stopped by my parents' house the other day to drop a few things off for Little. She wasn't home when I swung by, so I opted to scrounge through the house to create a delicious (free) lunch. After prepping my whole wheat naan, hummus and feta, I decided I needed a sweet bite to finish it off. Sitting on the counter was a cookie jar filled with small chocolate rounds topped with peanut butter. Excitedly, I threw two in my mouth and crunched down. Foiled again! Chocolate-peanut butter goodies quickly turned into puppy training biscuits upon a taste bud examination. Trust me, even the sweetest dog biscuit does not equal a dessert.

3. To improve the atmosphere of the production studio of the church campus I oversee, I asked my intern to pick up some niceties, including reed diffusers, lamps, etc. When I entered the studio the following weekend I was ecstatic to find two small bowls full of my favorite Gummy Bear flavor - that pineapple-ish, semi-clear one? How sweet of my intern to know those were my favorite. With an odd amount of flourish I tossed two in my mouth and nearly cracked four teeth as a I bit down on the scented rocks, posing as... well, scented rocks. Upon closer inspection it was clearly that these were dummy gummies.

One would suppose that after my first, um, slip up, I would be more observant about what I was eating before I actually tried to ingest it, but, that would be a poor supposition.