So this Match thing is growing on me. I'm actually really enjoying going on dates and meeting some fun people. Or, I was, until tonight.
You see, early, early on in the Match process it was suggested that I would be soul mates with a guy whose brother I "went out with" in middle school. Let me just say that that 7th grade romance was intense. In fact, upon breaking up, his brother announced that I was doomed to divorce in my adult life since I couldn't handle a real relationship, and that I convinced him to kiss dating goodbye until he got married. It was fantastic.
Anywho, fast forward to Match's suggestion. It's amazingly awkward to be matched with someone I know from real life, and when I was matched with the older brethren of my juvie-ex I just laughed. I was embarrassed because I knew he was seeing me, but I felt overall okay about it knowing that 1. he most likely didn't remember me (he's several years older) and 2. I would never see him in real life.
Well, seeing as how my life is like a poor man's Friends or other happy-go-lucky sitcom, our paths crossed. You see, this fellow (who doesn't even get a nickname right now) happens to volunteer with my church, and tonight we just so happened to be attending the same party at a mutual friend's house. CLEARLY, and I mean CLEARLY, we were both acutely aware that we knew the other one's secret. We were "Matched." So, I did what any one who is me would do in a situation that is less than pleasant: employ maximum avoidance techniques.
But as I should have predicted, these tactics were completely ignored, and he approached me directly. "Polka Dots, right? It's been like eight years! What have you been doing???" "Filling out online dating applications much like you, my friend," I nearly replied. Instead I couldn't even muster my fake, enthusiastic voice (and if I can't even pretend to be excited to be talking to you, which I am typically spectacular at doing, then you should give up) as I described the past few years. Then he went in for the kill, "Didn't you and my brother have a weird middle school thing?" "And by 'weird middle school thing,' I'm sure you mean 'wasn't my brother a psycho in middle school,' and in that case, yes," I struggled to internalize. He went on to tell me that his brother is now happily married, which just proves that he's some sort of demon prophet, and I haven't been able to hold down a relationship into matrimony, and he has.
I suddenly have this really uneasy feeling that I'm destined to either a life of loneliness, or worse, fated to become his sister-in-law.